From this day forward
You shall not walk alone,
His heart will be your shelter
And his arms will be your home
Most
probably we may have some day in our life sent these lines to our female
friends congratulating them on their marriages. But have we ever imagined what
would happen if that shelter would collapse and the arms would disappear? No,
we don't want to even think about that and most of all we forget that part. But
the reality is, there are so many women who are going through this condition
and are living a very tragic life being widow, a single woman.
As
per a research by Loomba Foundation, that of 245 million widows around the
world, 100 million live in poverty and those one and a half million children of
poor widow will die before they reach the age of five. The truth of Nepali
widow is even bitter. According to 'Women for Human Rights' 67% of widowed women
are aged between 20 and 35 years old and only 33% of them are literate and just
2 % have had higher education. We can guess what a pathetic life they are
leading in the context of our country, where widows are often looked upon with
disdain and suspicion, and even blamed for their husband's death.
In
ancient times, there used to be 'Sati' practice in which if a married man died,
the widow is coerced to join her husband in his funeral pyre. Though, the
system was outlawed more than 90 years ago, the widows are still leading the
lives of ashes as 'living sati'. She is not allowed to participate in religious
or any other ceremonies taking her presence as a bad omen as the society
considers that the death of her husband has taken away all the fortunes of her life.
For
many women in Nepal, widowhood brings with it not just the shock and trauma of
losing one's husband but also losing their home, being abandoned and abused by
family members and dreary future for her children as well and a very miserable
life. Some of them are also exploited as free or cheap labor or forced into
prostitution to feed their children. And here, where patriarchal values
prevail, a woman is considered worthless and inauspicious once she becomes a
widow. All the colors of happiness and joy that she is painted with on the day
of her marriage are covered by the never ending blanket of paleness.
These
sufferings would be tough enough for all of us, but it's more on a young woman
who may be only in her early twenties. Widowhood is generally associated with
older women; but it's shocking to know the huge number of young widows in our
country. Nepal has a large number of widows because of the bloody conflict here
in the recent years as well as the high rates of HIV and other diseases found
in the country. And there are many girls
who are forced into marriage when they just reach puberty and who are widowed
young by disease or accidents.
To
reduce all these, some good campaigns had also already kicked off by the
organizations working for the widowed women like providing a monthly 'widow's
allowance' to all the widowed women, regardless of their age, which used to be
benefitted previously available only to women over the age of 60. They are also
helping them in counseling, legal advice, teaching skills to earn a living and
helping in loan. Similarly, in the National policy and program, arrangement has
been made to provide concessional loan without collateral to the cooperatives
operated by single women, provisions have been made for the tax deduction for
the single women and also involving single women in every empowerment
activities through the local government. And yes, how can we forget the red
color movement, which promoted the right of women to wear strong colors like
red rather than white? We, as an
individual must appreciate their good deeds.
Yes,
there is also a legal provision for the rights of single women as well that
there shall be no discrimination against them. Those who discriminate them can
be strictly punished under the defamation act. The defamation act states that
anyone found guilty of discrimination will be penalized with a fine between 100
to 500 rupees, and can face up to six months in jail. But the sad part is that
the act's enforcement is minimal. Women generally do not press charges when
they are ill-treated or abused as they are not known of this legal provision
and also because of the lack of financial resources.
All
these efforts and movements by the NGOs and the government must be appreciated
but it will be back to square one if the women are not educated and if they are
not self conscious about their rights as neither the government nor the
organizations would be with them twenty hours as their watchdogs. For this awareness among the young girls and
also their families is the must. And not only the widowed women, every
individual should know the rights of the widowed women so that they can ensure
them their rights and give them their respect. Widows are not the 'white witch'
to be outcaste from our society rather they are the beautiful 'snow white' who
must be respected and taken care of. So, we must ask ourselves what is to be
done to reduce the plights of our 'snow whites'.
(Sylvia Plath says "Widow; the word consumes itself." Really, it consumes the life woman. Two years back, when I was making an episode for my program Pariwesh, I got an opportunity to talk with some single women (widows) and it was so heart aching that I still can't forget it till now. So, dedicated to all the single women of our country, today on 'Internationl Widows' day, I want to share this article with you all saying that let's make our women educated and independent so that they can face the reality strongly.)
Links of the episode of Pariwesh that I made two years ago
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