Soulmates and Heartbreaks

“How did you find your soulmate?”

Since the day I got married, I have been getting this question in one form or other. People are interested to know if we ever fight or not. The scrutiny is more as we run an organization that talks about building meaningful relationships.

“Why did you get married to him?”

“Does he have all the qualities that you were looking for in a husband?”

These are some other forms of questions that people want answers to.

Frankly speaking, I had never ever imagined what my potential husband would be like. But yeah, I have had enough heartbreaks to know the kind of person I never wanted to have as my husband. I know he too has had experienced enough heartbreaks to understand the kind of person he wants to stand strong 24/7 with.

Finding each other and reaching to the conclusion of getting married isn’t that easy. We have to go through enough self-discovery to accept the fact that just like us, our partners also have flaws in them. We have to accept ourselves so well to finally admit that we can stand with that other in their thick and thin. Interestingly, most of the times, the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance comes from heartbreaks, painful heartbreaks.

There are encounters with thousands of people but we connect only with hundreds. Out of hundreds, we are in touch with the fifties and then there are only ten of them whom you choose to share your pleasures and pains. Out of those ten, there is that only one with whom you can see yourself growing together with. It doesn’t mean that the others weren’t good enough for us or we weren’t good enough for them. Sometimes it’s about the distance. Sometimes it’s about dreams. Sometimes it’s about conversations and sometimes it’s about wellbeing.

Here, I would just like to stress upon the fact that Sagar and I are best friends, simply best friends trying to navigate the complex road of life together. We are two imperfect beings trying to walk an imperfect path holding each other firm because we know what it means to go through a heart break and walk alone.

Yes, it reads less romantic for a newly married couple but we understand the pain of romantic heartbreak. We are just growing into each other every day, trying to learn something new about each other moment to moment, trying to help each other become better versions of ourselves.

A note of reflection; we have found each other not because we went in search of our soulmates rather by being aware and learning after each heartbreak. Heartbreaks, sometimes by a person and sometimes by fate.

An old student remembers on my special day!

Dear Miss,

I’ve never been so happy by just watching someone’s post. The smile on your face gives a feeling to forget everything and just smile in your happiness with you.

I still remember the day when you entered grade 8 as our English teacher, the day when you shared the idea of awarding “Student of the Month”. I remember how I used to try to do my best in everything in your class. I remember when my marks dropped drastically; everyone else scolded for not studying well and not scoring good marks, they even told me that I would ruin my father’s name in society. It was only you and Seetu Miss who asked, “What’s going on? Is everything fine? How are you feeling these days?” 

I remember coming to the teachers’ room and crying my heart out. I remember you saying, “It’s okay to cry, you’ll feel light”. That day, everyone in my class bullied me saying, “Eww! You’re such a cry baby!”.  I always tried to show others that I’m strong enough to not cry in front of everyone. I still remember the day when you were angry with me ( for not having completed my assignment). I even remember what you said at that time,” I’d expected better from you. What’s happening?" 

Miss! remember first day of School Leaving Certificate exam? I was so happy when I finished my English paper and the only  person that came in my mind was you. =You were standing at the gate because they didn’t allow anyone to come inside. You asked me how my exam was from afar and I said "sooo good”.  You hugged me and were clapping and jumping in joy. 

Despite having a busy schedule, you helped us so much in applying to United World College. Though we didn’t make it, it was a great learning experience. Ma'am, you’ve changed the lives of hundreds of people including me and I know you will keep on doing this, you will keep on sharing all the positivity that you have in you. I’ve never been able to express how lucky I feel to have you in my life. I don’t even have words to tell you every single thing that I want you to hear but one thing that I would like to say today and always is this: You have been a great inspiration to me. I feel so blessed and fortunate that our paths crossed. I got a sister, a friend and a teacher when I got you, miss! I love you!!! I don’t say this always and I don’t even know why I don’t do that but all I want to say at the moment is: 

Thank you so much for everything you did! Thank you for not just fulfilling the duties of being a teacher but also being a friend when needed. I really hope that you keep on smiling this way; today and always and I wish you a wonderful married life!

Sincerely Yours,

Book Launch

I am really very happy that my short story has been published in print for the first time along with 16 other stories of different Nepali writers in book entitled CROSSROADS, Stories from Nepal. The book was launched yesterday and it will soon be out in the market. I am humbled to all of my blog readers who have helped me grow as a writer, my teachers and mentors especially Prof. Anand Sharma for his critical overview on my writings and dear sir Mr. Mahesh Paudyal, who also is the editor of this book for selecting my story as an eligible one for publication among so many other brilliant writers.
If you have time, do read the stories and comment us for our improvement.

Reflection: Finding the self

730 days you work 24/7 for your children without thinking whether it's a day or a night, sunny or a windy day. Finally it's your day to say good bye to them. Then with a grimed face, they remind you their dreams that you have made them see; the dream of doing something new for their community and for themselves or let's say rebuilding their lives in a new way. Of course! you feel that there is nothing more important in your life then being with them some days more and helping them to reach their dreams and you decide to live with them 365 days more. And suddenly when your kids start to add brick on their dreams, and their whole house of dream collapses, you become so helpless that you have not any of your energy to even say that they can rebuild their dreams once again. But you are their teacher, you can't let them collapse.
The same happened with me. For two years I taught in Chapagaun, sub-urban village of Nepal and left no stones unturned to make them realize how important is education for them, how they can change their lives by coming to school and how education can help them raise their living standard; they finally had a belief on me and they asked me to stay with them for more years. Though my term as a Teach For Nepal Fellow ended on March 2015, I decided to stay at Chapagaun one more year for my children and help them reach their dream. My kids were happy with my decision and were eagerly shaping their dreams. But, suddenly the earthquake of April 25 shook Nepal and it not only struck the buildings and turned them into mere rubbles, along with the school buildings and the houses, the dreams of my children too fell down. Everything went back to square one. The condition was worse than before.

Now after a year it seems we are gradually forgetting the pain. It seems nothing will shake us. But during these period whatever we did as a team was really very helpful. The way TFN supported our school with the stationery and the mid-day meal or the way we all teachers became united to bring the smile back on our children's face, everything is so appreciable. Then, the unexpected blockade. Life was already worse, it made it worst. No buses on road but, we had  reach school any how. I can never forget the long walk to school.

I had to get ready so early with a small hope that I would be able to get the first bus to school. After waiting so long, packed bus would come, which even didn't have any place to stand, I managed to get on that bus and reached school. I can so proudly say that I didn't miss even a single day of my school because of the fuel crisis. Thanks to the stories shared by other fellows of our cohort who were placed in much rural place than me and had to walk so long everyday just to reach their school.  
These sequence of events let me explore my self and I find out that I am adaptive. I can adapt in any worse situation and even work on it.  

The days during the fellowship are tough but the coming days after fellowship aren't going to be easy too. The toughest part will be that I have to work for them, for their dreams being apart for them. But, I am ready to do anything for the sake of my children's dreams as their dreams are already mine. Choosing the fellowship was not an easy choice but I am thankful that I chose it. 

Being a Teach For Nepal Fellow, I have become more passionate about education. The dreams of my students, their small achievements are what I have started to link my life with. By now I have also realized to make a more remarkable impact, I need to work more and also bring more people on to it. The education system of Nepal will prosper only when more people are passionate about it. I am thankful that TFN made me more passionate for education. Finding own self is a tough job but what I feel is if we are able to find our passion, it makes it a bit easier, Happily, Teach For Nepal helped me find my self. 

Sharing and Learning with Dr. Rajib Subba

Photo Credit: Umes Shrestha

I wish I had the session that I had today in any of my classes during my college days. Being the student of Humanities and Social Sciences for the last ten years, I always had problem in learning the theories propounded by all those great people. I used to linger in one long sentence that my teacher would translate in Nepali and then repeat that again and again, without analyzing it. Worst were the exams, with no good inherent quality of rotting, I used to make my own formulas to understand those theories just for the the sake of writing in exams.  But today, I saw a teacher, a facilitator breaking down those theories so easily using short stories, which I love reading.

Today (18th March, 2016), we had the 'Sharing and Learning' session by Dr. Rajib Subba for all the faculty members. Deputy Inspector General of Police (DIG) Subba, holds a doctorate in Information and Communication from the University of Hawaii. He teaches Organizational Leadership to MBA students here. I was so amazed to find that a full time professional, who has joined teaching only out of passion, is so dedicated that each of his lessons are well planned. He incorporates games, stories, videos, interesting personality trait questions and many more in every single lesson. In most of the cases we have seen that even a full time teacher hesitating to do that. Starting the day with chocolates for everyone, he ended up with cheesecake ice cream. This was what he used to do even in his classroom. He shared, "Building healthy relationship with students is so crucial. We must acknowledge that they are there irrespective of the stress they are having in their lives. We, as their mentor, have the duty to guide them." It was so surprising to know that he used to save the reference mentioned by all the students in their assignments and save it for future. He said, "Those references are the outcome of student's hard work and I can learn so many new ideas from them." I wonder how he manages his time for all these works.

In his session, I felt like a child listening to stories, having fun, playing games. One and half hour session passed without being bored. The way he was expressing his childhood dreams of being involved in different fields, which he has achieved by now, made me realize that nothing is impossible if a person tries. Importantly, what I learned today is it's not the lack of teachers that is hindering our learning, rather it's the lack of passionate teachers like him.

Published in King's College's blog http://www.kingscollege.edu.np/sharing-and-learning-with-dr-rajib-subba/

Dance

Long time back, I used to dance. Dance in folk songs, pop songs, item numbers and many other dancing numbers. Back in school days, I loved dancing but the irony is I never shared it with any one nor even danced much in front of others. I only used to dance in annual functions of my school, which too stopped when I reached grade seven. Due to some technical issues, our school stopped celebrating the function. Then, I confined my danced within my room.

Slowly, the time moved on and I slowly started to explore myself. I started to open up and then again I started to dance, but these days my dance are carefree. I dance the way I like and don't care even about the music or the beat. When it comes to choreographed dancing, It seemed I left that a long ago, there at my school. 

But today it was something different. I did that again. Upon the request of my grade seven and six students I decided to do that once again. Though it was hard, I decided to do it. With the help of my students we completed the choreography and I am willing to see them performing in the annual function. 

Long story short, I enjoyed the day. :)

P.S. Song is intentionally not revealed here. 

Over the canopy of clouds; A numinous travel to Kalinchowk

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open."- Jawaharlal Nehru

Umm, our hiking to White Gumba, most had had a wonderful effect in Mr. Barun that he came up with the idea of trekking to some place far from Kathmandu. He shared his idea and this time, it was my turn to get convinced as I had planned to enjoy my unexpected holiday at home, (Yes , though shorter later I was at home for two days ((; ). I wouldn't have agreed, if he hadn't mentioned the name of the place. 

The place was Kalinchowk, which I was desperately waiting to go. Actually I had started my journey to go there four years back but had to return half way due to my health conditions. So, it was kind of unfulfilled desire for me, which I really wanted to accomplish some day and here he was convincing me to go. Yeah, we again started the friend hunt, and our dearest Puskar was the only one who was so happy to accompany us despite his upcoming exam. The same reason; it was the place Kalinchowk, somewhere he had seen the photographs of the place and was lured by it. Though others were interested, they couldn't manage their time, well known reason, it was a sudden idea. 

We, three started to search for ways to go there and found that we could get tickets to Charikot if we reached Old Buspark early in the morning, then we had to head to Kuri and then to Kalinchowk. Luckily Puskar managed to find a person whom we could ask for help with our accommodation at Charikot and our transportation up-to Kuri. 

Morning Tea at Teen Kune

With that information, we decided to head towards our destination next morning. Barun and I walked from Sinamangal to Teenkune at 5:30 am where Puskar was waiting for us. As he felt that his shoes weren't comfortable even on the streets, he decided to return to his home and change his shoes while Barun and me opted to have tea in a nearby tea vendor. Puskar returned after sometime and we headed towards Old Buspark. When we reached there it had already  been 6.30 am and we had missed the first bus to Charikot. Then we took the tickets for the second bus. Unfortunately it was the last seat and I guess you know why it's unfortunate to get the last seat on a public bus on a long drive.

Exactly at 7 am, our bus headed on its journey and I must say it was not an express bus. It stopped at so many places sometimes for fuel and sometimes to board passengers midway who wouldn't mind standing up the whole journey and the bus must be lucky as it was packed. The bumpy ride halted in the middle of the jungle around 8:40 am and surprisingly all the passengers started to get off the bus, we later realized that it had halted for loo. I got off the bus and again unfortunately touched 'sisnu' (Stinging nettle). I didn't realize what it was until a middle aged woman told me that those were the sisnu plant and when I looked around the jungle, it was full of them. So I thought it was best to get inside the bus rather than to roam and get stunk by those plants.
The bus again started its journey and we crossed places like Tinpiple, Paanchkhaal, Laami Dandha, Zero Kilo and Dolalghat. Let me share, one interesting moment at Dolalghat. I don't know it may be normal, but I saw a tomato vendor for the first time coming inside the bus and asking if anyone would buy tomatoes, otherwise I had only seen chatpat or fruit vendors coming inside the bus and asking if anyone is willing to have them. Our bus broke down somewhere around Dolalghat, we utilized our time for a photo session. 

(Some of the glimpses of photo session that we did at Dolalghat)

Sunglasses borrowed from Puskar :-p

After that, we crossed Balefi and reached Khadichaur, where our bus halted for lunch. We tasted momos and chowmin there. We found chowmin better than momo. After that crossing Thulapakkhar and Mudey, we reached Charikot exactly at 1:00 pm.
Then Puskar called Balram dai, he was the one who was going to manage our lodging and fooding there. He welcomed us at Kalinchowk bazar and took us to Kalinchowk Hotel where we decided to have our lunch and rested for a while. We had a plan to reach Kuri that day but all those people whom we talked to suggested us to stay at Charikot as it would be too cold there at Kuri and even we couldn't manage a vehicle to reach there that would wait for us a whole day to bring us back. So at 2 pm we wanted to utilize our time and headed to trek for Dolakha Bhimsen Temple.

(On the way to Dolakha Bhimsen, we didn't miss capturing our moments)

It took us nearly two hours to walk there. It was surprising for us that the houses around the temple were badly damaged during the earthquake but the temple even didn't have a small scratch.





After praying to lord Bhimsen, while we were returning we heard that the last bus to Charikot was yet to come, so we decided to wait for the bus and returned to our hotel approximately at 7:30 pm. We already were so tired that bed was our ultimate destination, at least for me. I don't know when two of them slept.

Next morning we were already ready to go at 5:00 am, our 'Mahindra Pickup'  that we had hired for the day was already ready to take us. Mukunda dai, a very jolly human being was there as our companion for the day. He guided us throughout the way and also shared his life journey with us (will write more about him on my next post) We headed towards our destination around 6:30 am after having our breakfast.


I swear the view was so mesmerizing. When the sun suddenly slightly started to pry us, we were even more thrilled to see ourselves just above the ocean of clouds. I don't have any words to describe what our eyes got to see there. Crossing those beautiful lanes and woods, we reached Kuri exactly at 11 am.

(On the way fun and the  beauty that we saw during our ride to Kuri)

I was awestruck  with the view

We rested there for a while, and then we three were set to climb up the hill upto Kalinchowk Temple. The hill was very steep. We had to take rest even after a short walk. It took us nearly one and half hour to reach the top but yes, finally we did that and when we reached there we felt as if all our effort had been paid off well. White and bright Gaurishankar Himal range was smiling so bright somewhere nearby us and it seemed as if we could walk through the clouds and reach the mountain.

( During our walk up the temple)

We enjoyed the view for about half an hour and descended down the hill in 30 minutes and had a wonderful wonderful wonderful lunch there :).

(Moments when we were on the top)

Then we set our journey back to Charikot, where we reached at around 2:30 pm, when all the public bus had already headed to Kathmandu, so we had to find tickets for a TATA Sumo. Unfortunately, again, we had to confine us in a very uncomfortable back seat and the fuel stank all the way. Importantly, I vomited for the first time in my life while travelling in a vehicle. This became, my most uncomfortable one. Finally we arrived Kathmandu exactly at 7pm.
However the final ride was, the journey will be the most memorable one in my life. Yes, Saint Augustine has rightly said, "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page." I aspire to read some more pages in the coming days as well. Last but not the least don't forget to taste the 'Chhurpis' of Kalinchowk, they taste awesome. :)

P.S. The myth about the temple is that once a person exits the temple premises one shouldn't return.