The first thing I felt
was his touch on my calf. Irritating, I thought. I turned around and found out
he was someone of my father’s age. I was eighteen then, travelling from Dharan
to Itahari. I felt that was unintentional as it’s hard to find a personal space
while travelling in a public vehicle.
Next stop.
Some people got off the
bus and I got myself seated. The man sat next to me. The next thing I found was
him, rubbing his humongous hairy hands on my thigh. I got scared and placed my
hand bag in-between us. Deeply unpleasant feeling it was.
He didn’t stop. He then,
pretended to fold his arms and then tried to touch my breast. I froze. I
couldn’t process, I just prayed the bus to halt.
Another stop.
I dropped off.
I didn’t know how I
reached home as that scary hands not only hovered around my body but now it was
all over my mind. I went to my mom and shared.
“Ek
jhappad haninas?”(Didn’t you give him a tight slap?) My
mom groaned.
That was something I
had to do, I realized. But, the fact was that the incident left me unprocessed
for several days. Even today whenever I happen to see the resemblance of those
hands, it disturbs me.
***
Few months back, I
received an email from one of my mentees who had to go through similar trauma.
A bus conductor groped her chest and she felt helpless. The very incident shook
her up for several months. A strange man tore her confidence apart as she felt
stripped publicly.
Upon sharing these
experiences what we know is, actually, no one gets really shocked to hear that
rather they themselves have a similar horrifying story to share.
Yes, the ratio of women
being harassed is extremely higher than men, however, we find men sharing
similar stories and there must be the case that third genders, too have
experienced similar fate.
A survey by Code for
Nepal done in 2016, collected over 1,000 responses, 98 percent of all
women said they had been harassed. Besides the streets, 71 percent of
respondents of both genders also reported harassment in public transportation. 63 percent said they were subjected to physical harassment of
some form, and 20 percent reported sexual harassment.
Several high level
talks have been made and some decisions too have been passed. Female only buses
are being launched, awareness campaigns are being done, but why is the problem
still the same?
Frankly speaking, I
also don’t know the answer.
But, what I know is
that there are victims who haven’t yet been able to share their horrifying
story. As I suffer psychologically even after seven years of the actual incident,
they do suffer and bringing them out is important.
When I appealed on
social media for other people to share their personal experiences, I
received an unexpected flood of messages from women and some men, almost
relieved to speak about it. Here, I share some of them.
Anonymous
 |
| Picture Credit: pvangels.com |
Asmita
I have experienced it
in several ways; may it be a drunk man smelling my hair or a guy sitting next
to me with crossed arms, trying to finger my boobs from side. Sometimes a guy
would press himself against me when it’s crowded. The hand grabbing thing while
grabbing the rods is soooo common. Because
of these reasons I don't like to use public bus. Whenever, my scooty is for
servicing, I prefer to walk for an hour rather than board a bus.
Anonymous
Anonymous
I was going to Pune via train. They were five people. They
were trying to touch me, drag me into their arms. Err… I still remember that touch
and smell of those idiots. It was horrible experience ever. Fortunately, I
managed to get out from their grope and ran to the nearby toilet. I hid myself
there. I don’t know how long I stayed there. I was in a dilemma on whether to
get out of the toilet or not. What if they were outside waiting for me? This
question haunted me. After 15 or 20 minutes, I opened the door and found them gone. I
rushed to my seat and cried like a hell thinking what I went through.
Barsha
I have experienced it
several times.
I have experienced some
deadly lusty look from the top to the bottom of my body- sad part is not just
so called rugged guys, but some so called cultured and classy man in their
expensive suit. I try to make them stop it with equally angry look.
Once, I was travelling
from Balkot to Baneshwor, an aunt, similar to my mother’s age started shouting
all of a sudden. She was hitting a guy who was around 30s with her handbag. He
was touching her body parts in the crammed bus. After she started shouting that
man came out from bus and ran away.
Similarly, once I had
to board a packed bus in the evening to return home. A woman in her 30s was
sitting next to me with her younger brother. I could see a man placing his
hands on her breasts. First I thought it wasn’t intentional as a thought came
that he was trying to adjust himself properly. Later, I found him being dirty
and wondered why that lady wasn’t speaking anything. I found it odd. I shouted
at the lady for what hell was that man doing on a public bus and if he was her
relative. The woman replied, “No, he wasn’t.” He then immediately shifted
backward.
Sabrina
During the economic
blockade, I was going to my office from my home. I took a crowded bus. A man on
his 40s was standing behind me. Few minutes later, I found my butt being
pressed by his dick. I couldn’t figure out at first if it was happening on
purpose. But, after sometime I figured out it as intentional. I was afraid of
saying anything and making a scene in case I was mistaken. I just looked at him
angrily and he went away from me. I could feel the sensation of his dick on me
for hours afterwards. I felt very bad that day. I reached my office and shared
it with some of my friends and later regretted of not shouting at him.
Anonymous
I was sexually harassed
in public vehicle during the economic blockade when the buses used to be very
crowded. This man who sexually harassed me at first offered me his seat. Thinking
he was a nice guy, I took his seat but after few minutes I began to notice that
he was rubbing his penis on my shoulder. I went numb not knowing what to do. My
mom always used to ask me not to respond if any men teased me. She was afraid as
those days the news of acid attack was very common. So, I kept dozing off my
shoulder but I could bear it no more. So I spoke to an aunt next to mine if I
could exchange seat with her as she was sitting by the window. She agreed and
to my surprise this man got out of the bus as soon as I exchanged my seat. For
me till this date whenever I remember that moment, I feel sick and for this I
prefer to walk rather than take a crowded vehicle.
***
It’s not just that
females have to go through this doleful situation. Even males have to and I am
thankful to this man who shared his story with me. However he chose to be
anonymous.
Anonymous
I was travelling from Bhadrapur
to Itahari. I had to share my seat with an aged man. We started to have some
casual talks. It started with a general introduction and then the stuffs from
the place we belong and so on but gradually he started asking me about my
personal issues related with relationship and sex. The situation got worse when
he started touching my private parts. I became nervous and got paralyzed. I
couldn’t act anything against him or even say him any words. I felt extremely
bad the whole time. After all that he shamelessly dared to ask my phone
number so that he could come to my home, which I refused to give.
***
These experiences of
harassment are so bad that in many of the cases, triggers a lot of anxiety. It
can render even the most confident of us helpless. Many of the times, we feel
extreme urge of slapping them for their crime and feel guilty of not daring to
do that. Reprimanding is a far cry, we can't even share with any other person what we went through. I used to do the same. But what I have realized is we must dare then
and there.
Recently, I again had
to go through a similar situation while travelling to my workplace early in the morning.
This time, I followed what my mother had instructed me to do seven years back
whenever I am caught up in similar situation.
Yes, I gave him a tight
slap which he deserved. I felt like I slapped not only him but also my own
psychological fear that I had been living for last seven years. I slapped the anxiety
that deters my confidence.
This time when I
dropped off the bus, I felt good. Very good.
May all the perverts who are out there to quench their sexual thirst in a public transit get a tight slap so that their demonic soul may die then and there. We wish to see them behaving as a human the next time we encounter.
May all the perverts who are out there to quench their sexual thirst in a public transit get a tight slap so that their demonic soul may die then and there. We wish to see them behaving as a human the next time we encounter.
