The Ghost on the Bus (Story of Transformation 31)

The first thing I felt was his touch on my calf. Irritating, I thought. I turned around and found out he was someone of my father’s age. I was eighteen then, travelling from Dharan to Itahari. I felt that was unintentional as it’s hard to find a personal space while travelling in a public vehicle.

Next stop.

Some people got off the bus and I got myself seated. The man sat next to me. The next thing I found was him, rubbing his humongous hairy hands on my thigh. I got scared and placed my hand bag in-between us. Deeply unpleasant feeling it was.

He didn’t stop. He then, pretended to fold his arms and then tried to touch my breast. I froze. I couldn’t process, I just prayed the bus to halt.

Another stop.

I dropped off.

I didn’t know how I reached home as that scary hands not only hovered around my body but now it was all over my mind. I went to my mom and shared.

“Ek jhappad haninas?”(Didn’t you give him a tight slap?) My mom groaned.

That was something I had to do, I realized. But, the fact was that the incident left me unprocessed for several days. Even today whenever I happen to see the resemblance of those hands, it disturbs me.

***

Few months back, I received an email from one of my mentees who had to go through similar trauma. A bus conductor groped her chest and she felt helpless. The very incident shook her up for several months. A strange man tore her confidence apart as she felt stripped publicly.

Upon sharing these experiences what we know is, actually, no one gets really shocked to hear that rather they themselves have a similar horrifying story to share.

Yes, the ratio of women being harassed is extremely higher than men, however, we find men sharing similar stories and there must be the case that third genders, too have experienced similar fate.  

A survey by Code for Nepal done in 2016, collected over 1,000 responses, 98 percent of all women said they had been harassed. Besides the streets, 71 percent of respondents of both genders also reported harassment in public transportation. 63 percent said they were subjected to physical harassment of some form, and 20 percent reported sexual harassment.

Several high level talks have been made and some decisions too have been passed. Female only buses are being launched, awareness campaigns are being done, but why is the problem still the same?

Frankly speaking, I also don’t know the answer.

But, what I know is that there are victims who haven’t yet been able to share their horrifying story. As I suffer psychologically even after seven years of the actual incident, they do suffer and bringing them out is important.

When I appealed on social media for other people to share their personal experiences, I received an unexpected flood of messages from women and some men, almost relieved to speak about it. Here, I share some of them.

Anonymous

Picture Credit: pvangels.com

I don’t know if it was intentional or not. The micro was pack. Only last two seats were empty. I went and sat there. There came a guy who was approximately in his mid-30s who came and sat next to me. The micro was on the stand so I had to wait. He started moving his hands around my thighs. At first, I didn’t react because I thought the micro was congested and it wasn’t intentional. But after few minutes, he repeated the same behavior.  This time I pushed him. But the more I pushed him and tried to stand up, the more he was trying to push me to the corner as if he was trying to say “don’t move and stay still and let me enjoy.” I couldn’t take it and pushed his hands hard and walked out of that micro and went home walking. I was mentally disturbed for few days.

Asmita

I have experienced it in several ways; may it be a drunk man smelling my hair or a guy sitting next to me with crossed arms, trying to finger my boobs from side. Sometimes a guy would press himself against me when it’s crowded. The hand grabbing thing while grabbing the rods is soooo common. Because of these reasons I don't like to use public bus. Whenever, my scooty is for servicing, I prefer to walk for an hour rather than board a bus.

Anonymous

I was going to Pune via train. They were five people. They were trying to touch me, drag me into their arms. Err… I still remember that touch and smell of those idiots. It was horrible experience ever. Fortunately, I managed to get out from their grope and ran to the nearby toilet. I hid myself there. I don’t know how long I stayed there. I was in a dilemma on whether to get out of the toilet or not. What if they were outside waiting for me? This question haunted me. After 15 or 20 minutes, I opened the door and found them gone. I rushed to my seat and cried like a hell thinking what I went through. 

Barsha

I have experienced it several times.

I have experienced some deadly lusty look from the top to the bottom of my body- sad part is not just so called rugged guys, but some so called cultured and classy man in their expensive suit. I try to make them stop it with equally angry look.

Once, I was travelling from Balkot to Baneshwor, an aunt, similar to my mother’s age started shouting all of a sudden. She was hitting a guy who was around 30s with her handbag. He was touching her body parts in the crammed bus. After she started shouting that man came out from bus and ran away.

Similarly, once I had to board a packed bus in the evening to return home. A woman in her 30s was sitting next to me with her younger brother. I could see a man placing his hands on her breasts. First I thought it wasn’t intentional as a thought came that he was trying to adjust himself properly. Later, I found him being dirty and wondered why that lady wasn’t speaking anything. I found it odd. I shouted at the lady for what hell was that man doing on a public bus and if he was her relative. The woman replied, “No, he wasn’t.” He then immediately shifted backward.

Sabrina

During the economic blockade, I was going to my office from my home. I took a crowded bus. A man on his 40s was standing behind me. Few minutes later, I found my butt being pressed by his dick. I couldn’t figure out at first if it was happening on purpose. But, after sometime I figured out it as intentional. I was afraid of saying anything and making a scene in case I was mistaken. I just looked at him angrily and he went away from me. I could feel the sensation of his dick on me for hours afterwards. I felt very bad that day. I reached my office and shared it with some of my friends and later regretted of not shouting at him.

Anonymous

I was sexually harassed in public vehicle during the economic blockade when the buses used to be very crowded. This man who sexually harassed me at first offered me his seat. Thinking he was a nice guy, I took his seat but after few minutes I began to notice that he was rubbing his penis on my shoulder. I went numb not knowing what to do. My mom always used to ask me not to respond if any men teased me. She was afraid as those days the news of acid attack was very common. So, I kept dozing off my shoulder but I could bear it no more. So I spoke to an aunt next to mine if I could exchange seat with her as she was sitting by the window. She agreed and to my surprise this man got out of the bus as soon as I exchanged my seat. For me till this date whenever I remember that moment, I feel sick and for this I prefer to walk rather than take a crowded vehicle.

***

It’s not just that females have to go through this doleful situation. Even males have to and I am thankful to this man who shared his story with me. However he chose to be anonymous.

Anonymous

I was travelling from Bhadrapur to Itahari. I had to share my seat with an aged man. We started to have some casual talks. It started with a general introduction and then the stuffs from the place we belong and so on but gradually he started asking me about my personal issues related with relationship and sex. The situation got worse when he started touching my private parts. I became nervous and got paralyzed. I couldn’t act anything against him or even say him any words. I felt extremely bad the whole time. After all that he shamelessly dared to ask my phone number so that he could come to my home, which I refused to give.

***

These experiences of harassment are so bad that in many of the cases, triggers a lot of anxiety. It can render even the most confident of us helpless. Many of the times, we feel extreme urge of slapping them for their crime and feel guilty of not daring to do that. Reprimanding is a far cry, we can't even share with any other person what we went through. I used to do the same. But what I have realized is we must dare then and there.

Recently, I again had to go through a similar situation while travelling to my workplace early in the morning. This time, I followed what my mother had instructed me to do seven years back whenever I am caught up in similar situation.

Yes, I gave him a tight slap which he deserved. I felt like I slapped not only him but also my own psychological fear that I had been living for last seven years. I slapped the anxiety that deters my confidence.

This time when I dropped off the bus, I felt good. Very good.

May all the perverts who are out there to quench their sexual thirst in a public transit get a tight slap so that their demonic soul may die then and there. We wish to see them behaving as a human the next time we encounter.