Celebrating the silver jubilee of my life, I have so many
feelings going through my head and heart at the moment. Till last year I had
the opinion that I had to face so many challenges that year. I had the feeling
like I had to take so many difficult choices.
This year I feel,
this year was much more challenging then I ever expected; the hardest one.
Tragedy was that I was gripped by the sense of loss of my dear ones and had to
go through the constant fear. There were some depressing moments and also had
to make some tough choices.
While, one the other hand, I got some very good friend. I got the opportunity to
enjoy the sense of liberty and love. With this I have understood the real
definition of growing up and being matured. I have learned what to adjust, how
to compromise and also what to let go of.
I too found myself. I found me within myself. When I went
through all these, I was backed up my lovely and respected parents , supported
by the love of my younger brother and led upon by friends and not to forget
unknowingly my children helped me fight my battle of life.
Thank you all for helping me in my growth. This year
definitely, I am feeling like celebrating a silver jubilee. Once again thank
you every one for your wish. I am so grateful.
P.S. Got a lot of books as my gifts, hope I would read them all soon. The books
of my wish list. Thank you so much guys. Love you all.
Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew
pain,
And memory, like a drop that, night and
day,
Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart
away!
~Thomas Moore
Thomas
Moore, so elegantly expresses his emotions for his deceased friend, I wish I
could do so. I wish I could share how I feel in his absence. I know the feeling
of being left over, yes! Left over, is so hard, in one way or the other we all
have gone through it. It’s so difficult when you know someone with whom you
have spent your wonderful time has left you, and the pain is even more when you
realize the person is never going to return. He will never do those things
again that he used to do, he now is just in your memory.
Recently Himal
Raj Kangdangwa, my college friend left me in a similar state. I spent my three
years in college with him. Even after college, we were always connected. During
those days, I never ever saw him being sad or lamenting over anything. He just
loved dancing and acting and used to be busy on that. Rest of the world would
never be a matter to him. Well, I preferred his dancing to acting. I used to
tell him he still need to work as an actor. Today when I went through all of
his works, which is easy as it's all in social media, I realize how much he had
transformed in these five years.
We had started
our career almost at the same time. I had started as a journalist and he as a
model of music videos. He always used to tease me by telling me to help him
promote his videos by making news on him and I always used to say “I don’t
belong to entertainment beat, so I can’t do anything on it.” My justification
wouldn't work on him, he never left teasing. So, I used to emphasize, “I don’t
write on reel life actors. You need to be a real life hero.” These words
wouldn’t affect him rather he would confidently say one day you will write on
me. I think I don’t need to say more. I am really writing on him.
Final day of our college
When I first met him, I had
a very negative impression about him. I found him as a guy who was not serious
about his career, his goals, who always used to flirt with girls. I guess, he
hadn’t left even a single girl of our college to flirt. I remember him praising
every girl with the tag Miss Universe. He used to go to every girl
and related her with the then Miss Universe. The interesting part was he never
used to know who actually the Miss Universe, even her name was. Once he was
caught for that and badly teased about it. I guess, he then never teased with
that tag, at least in front of us. But slowly, I along with my other friends
started to know about him and started to get connected with him. We, knew how
serious he was about his acting. How good he was as a friend. He was just
trying to make others laugh by flirting. Slowly, we had a good rapport with
him.
Get-together at Bhedetar. I vividly remember how he was able to lure the other groups with his dance moves.
I remember how he used to write answers in his exam. I had never found
such guy before. He would never read any of the novel or poems, as we were the
students of English Literature. He used to carry a Guess paper and
read that and ask others to translate it in Nepali for him. Interesting part
is, he used to write all the answers in Roman even in exams of English, and
only God knows how he would pass. Such a fun person he was. All these are a
mere memory now. He is just in our old photographs.
Today when I am writing this, I must beg sorry
with him as I am writing about him so late; today, when he is no more with us.
But, here I must acknowledge the fact that he was growing as a star and he
deserved more. I was waiting that one day surely he would be where he had seen
himself, as a star; a hero of kollywood.
A son of
a well-off family, he could have get anything if he could have got anything he
wanted without struggling as we know the context of Nepal. But he chose the way
of struggle. He struggled a lot to make a place; to make him known himself as a
rising star in other words to make his identity in the mass where everyday a
new model takes birth with the dream of being a star. There were several times
when he used to fail, but he was never disappointed, rather he grew with each
failure. He strived and thrived in the entertainment market and made his name
in the industry. He had slowly started to gain. Then there, comes the tragedy,
he had to leave in a terrible accident.
I know he would
have done more if he had been here. But what he showed us is, he lived every
bit of his life, each moment. His love for friends, music, dance and acting and
most be mentioned his love for food is what remains in us still today and even
in the days to come. He has taught me a lesson that life is too short to lament
on anything, live every moment of it.
I hope others who have known him closely too are
feeling the same right now. His new song, I don’t know whether it’s his last or
there are still some left to be released, made me reflect about his life more.
I analyzed his acting and realized how much he had grown in his career.
Definitely, just as the song says, “ marijane jindagi ho kati daar chaina” (
Life is mortal, so why to worry?)
I know he is never going to see this, and he is never going to tease me
again for his victory that I have written about him. I don't know how to
express the moments that we had spent and the struggles that he had done.
This is just a wordy tribute to a friend for his journey of
transformation.
I had the opinion earlier that
you are there inside the heart of every people. So it wasn't necessary to go to
everyone and ask if they have you inside them or not. But a recent incident
made me realize that I must search you. Are you alright? Or, have you become
sick? Or, where have you been? Are you fed up with the people of this earth and
have already left this planet? Or have you diminished your quantity so that you
are not being able to be in everyone's heart as the population is increasing
day by day?
I think I don't have to mention
that I lost my close friend in a recent accident at Babarmahal, Kathmandu. I
think I don't have to mention his name to you. If you have the habit of reading
newspaper, I think you know about the accident. Oh! How can I forget, that now
it's the time of Facebook. I guess you too have an account on it. So, I am damn
sure that you must have seen some great shots of the accident scene of the
spot. So, I am talking about the same ill-fated person.
I first thought that I shouldn't
write to you, it may seem like a complain. And if you shared this letter to
anyone they would obviously think that I am writing this because I am being
biased as he was my friend. Okay, I do agree when I am writing this I am not
thinking about the structures nor about the rules of composition; accuracy, balance
and credibility. For the first time when I got the news that he died on the
spot. I could hardly believe it. Then I thought it may have happened as many
people have died the same way. Still the time, when he was there burning on the
pyre at 'Pashupati Aryaghat' I was
thinking it's the God who did this. It was HIM who is always in search of the
good persons for his service at heaven. So he took him away. I was convincing myself.
Then the next day, when I was a bit
on my senses, I tried to find out actually what had happened. How did it
happened then I found out it was not God who did this but it were you. When the
accident happened he hadn't died then on the spot. He was crying a lot and
asking for help. Everyone gathered there with in a moment but no one dared to
take him to the hospital. He had a severe head injury but still he was strong
enough to be in senses and ask for help but there was no one. Everyone was busy
taking photos and videos at that moment. I guess the photos got uploaded on the
Facebook and got circled on the twitter much before he was taken to the
hospital. I don't have any complain with them as well as it is the time of
social media. I think everyone had already started to pray for his life then.
But there on the busy road, all covered in blood my friend was asking for
everyone to save his life.
Oh, why should I complain the
common people, they are the peddlers who have their busy schedule?There was
traffic police, but he too was eagerly waiting for the ambulance which arrived
in fifteen minutes times, which definitely is a short period but if he had
shown his little effort my friend would have got the bed of hospital even
earlier than that as the hospital was not much far away from the accident spot.
I can understand him also as there was the fault of my friend as he was on the
bike which had broken the traffic rule and hit an old man. So may be he was
angry with the issue, but my question is he could have gone for the punishment
procedures after saving his life.
Thus, when peddlers are correct,
when traffic police is right in his own way and when God was doing his own job
of trying to take him away, dear humanity you tell me whom I should blame at
this moment? You are the only left one. I don't know if you have any issues
with my friend because as far as I had known him he hasn't killed even an
insect. Also, how did you forget some years back in Biratnagar when, one person
was like in his condition, he was the one to give his hand forward and take him
to the hospital in time and able to save his life. So didn’t you feel that you
should pay for that as well if you simply believe in the balance sheet? Or,
didn't you know that he was planning to open an orphanage and an old age home?
Or, didn't you know that each day walking through the street he used to help
those who were in the tragic situation begging beside the street? Or, didn't you know each time in his conversation he used to remember you?
So, it's your fault humanity that
you were busy on other stuffs during that hour. As you have not taken his life
but because of the incident his mother hasn't gained senses yet. It's your mistake.
I lost my friend. I can handle it. We know that our mom will also gain her
senses soon as we will take care of her. But my concern is now please don't
do this to any one. Be there on time. If you are being so busy please hire
attendants for your help. But please be there on time where someone is calling
you for help.
I hope you will do care on this now on ward.
I don't want any reply from you but I want, it to be executed. I don't want to
hear any other news having the same tragedy. Last but not the least, if you are
sick, get well soon.
I was waiting for a bus back my room and nearby me there was a girl standing near a street vendor who was selling 'chatpate' and 'pani puri'. The girl seemed that she was eagerly waiting for someone. She seemed so desperate that she was frequently looking at her watch and even dialing (may be the same person she was waiting for). Her eagerness didn't stop me from guessing that she was waiting for her boyfriend. After few minutes, she smiled looking someone across the road. My eyes too followed where she was glancing at. I was imagining someone tall and handsome guy as she was tall, slim and beautiful girl. But to my surprise, across the road, I noticed a short, plump but cute girl, who was waving her hands with a beautiful smile on her face. As soon as they met, they asked chatpate for them and started chatting. The chat was so fast and random that no one could even think about that. They were talking about Modi's visit to their sudden weight gain. They were talking about their school days and about their other friends. All of a sudden there started a huge laughter. And beside them I was being interested in their chat which had no importance in my life.
After some few minutes the bus arrived and I got into it, but my whole mind was there in their chat. At that point I realized how our thinking drives us. How negative we are? We always think that girls can never be good friends like boys are. When we see a girl waiting for some one, our mind gives the first option that she is probably waiting her boyfriend. But being a girl also most of the time we forget that the friendship between girls is grander and more dramatic than any other romance (by Hannah).
Most of us have the opinion that women have trouble getting along with one other but I think this is not applicable in friendship as I too have experienced it and I think I shouldn't go in any lab as there is no better experimental lab than our own lives.
Yes, it's true that so many people come into and go from our lives. We make so many friends as well and it's difficult to say whom we are more linked to and close. People who come into our lives are always not only of same sex and some of us also have the opinion linked with that the universal law of attraction that just like the negative poles attract, we only get attracted with different sex people and we tend to say that girls can never get attracted to each other or if they get attracted they are lesbians. But in my opinion the friendship goes only when there is attraction and affection. And every time the attraction never grows. But if we find the similar poles in the another girl too, along with time the attraction grows.
The attraction between girls is so unique that even the boys cannot beat. Everyone has their own life but each time whenever her friend needs she is there to help her. All of the best friends have their boyfriends or husbands but they manage their time to share their small things with their girl friends. They do every thing together. I don't know about boys but we girls take turns even for pointing out each other's worst qualities and what do we expect from each other. We know immediately when our other friend has a crush or when she is in a deep pain. Umm! of course, we are competitive but more than that the competition is healthy and we learn a lot from each other.
Our friendship is bold but it doesn't mean that we overlook the male figure in our life. Our relationship with our male friends (not only boyfriend) are also unique. We respect them, care them, support them and even guide them on how they can make their girl friend happy. We hangout with our male friends also but going out with our best girl friends has it's own importance. It's awesome.
Bald
head, black mask, thin body and black complexion, this was how I had seen her
for the last time before she had left to Bharatpur once again, for her
treatment. This was not on her real identity. She used to have a very long and
thick hair, which I used to play with all the time. I loved her hair so much as
I didn't have such hair. She was plump shaped, so Bijay sir used to call her 'Taison', a
wrestler.
She
was my best friend whom I used to meet every day even to share some small news
and she was the only one with whom, I was so open. But that day I was meeting
her nearly after four months and I can't express how did I survive for those
four months? I felt that I was in solitude. But, that departure was necessary as I could
see that she was suffering terribly and doctors had told that she would get
well only after her treatment could be done in Bharatpur. At that time, I
wasn't mature enough to understand that why people are taken to Bharatpur and
why my strong friend was being so thin day by day and why her beautiful, thick
and dark hair was falling from her head?
I had no idea.
I only had the hope that she would return for
me. She would return for our shared dreams and she would return for my company
as I literally had no one beside her. And I was eagerly waiting for her
arrival.
That
day we stayed together and ate together. She didn't eat anything except her
avocado fruit juice. I asked her to take out her mask from her mouth so many
times but she didn't. I was so desperate to see her face as I hadn't seen her
smile for four months but she didn't want to show that to me. That day we
talked about so many things once again. I was very happy once again.
She
used to love reading and writing literature. Though she wasn't good enough at
studies, she was too good at literary writings. I still remember her poems and
songs. That day again, in her sore voice, she sang her best song "Laure dai le pardesh bata pathayo
khabara" for me. I knew that was difficult for her but she sang for
mine happiness and also for her own happiness. After singing the song, she
unfolded the pillow and showed me some letters of her pen friends and asked me
to read those letters for her. I read it
and she reveled that she was there only for two days and she was there because
she wanted to meet me. She again had to go Bharatpur the next day, so if she
would not come with in one month next time, she told me to come there and take
out those letters and sent reply to her friends as she doesn't want to make her
pen friend feel that she betrayed her.
I
stayed with her that day also and the next day after giving me a warm, tight
hug she headed towards Bharatpur for treatment and I returned my home. I was
eagerly waiting for her. I was eagerly waiting for her call as she used to call
me instantly as soon as she returned. It was already one month and I didn't get
any call. So, I called myself but no one picked up the call. My tension was
rising, but I had no any option to do rather than to wait her call.
After
two days, my mom desperately called my name after returning from school and gave me
the news that Shova, is no more. She is no more in this world. I couldn't
believe my ears. She had promised me that she would come back. She can't leave
me. We had so many plans to do after our SLC. 'NO' 'NO' she can't leave me
alone. I took my bicycle and cycled towards her house. I don't remember how the
way was and how I reached. But when I reached there, the scene was tragic.
Everyone was crying. I went near aunt and asked about her. She didn't say
anything just remained as a statue whose eyes were filled with tears. Now I was
sure, that she has really left me. But, how can she leave me?
I
don't believe that she would leave me without meeting me once. I don't believe
that she dared to do that. After sometime aunt conveyed that, Shova desperately had a desire to meet me. When the doctor informed her that she was
in the last stage of cancer and isn't going to live for more days, she started
to write a letter for me. And she had her last wish to meet me. But the God
played the role of villain and took her breath just before the day she was
going to be discharged from the hospital. Then, I asked for the letter that she
had wrote for me, and that also I couldn't find as it was misplaced during the
course of her funeral. It was the saddest day of my life. It took me years to
get out of that loneliness. Though I am with so many friends physically now, by
heart I miss her and I hope she is still somewhere near by me and watching me.
So, today, I want to wish her a very happy birthday.
I hope that someday I will be able to fulfill her
dreams. The dreams that she wanted to fulfill, the dream that she had for
herself and the dream that she had for me. One day I will fulfill our shared
dreams.
Yeh Duniya Yeh Duniya Pittal Di Yeh Duniya Pittal Di Yeh Duniya Pittal Di Ho Baby Doll Main Sone Di Ho Baby Doll Main Sone Di
This item number may be in someone's favorite playlist and there may be some who may not like it. But nowadays this can be heard everywhere, in ringtones, in micro bus, in hotels and most of all this has become our party number as well. The party becomes incomplete without it. We dance in this song, we even sing it as we are attracted by it's catchy beat and some may even like it as it features Sunny Leone. I too like it, but I have my own story about it.
Rijuta loves this song and when we were heading on our journey towards Last Resort, we were stuck on the mid way because of the strike and we had no other means to pass our time. So we (Isha, Rojee, Seetu and me) accompanied Rijuta listening it. After listening it, we wanted to watch the video of the song as well. We found the video attractive and kept on watching the video so continuously that some of our friends even became surprised at our behavior. From that day, where ever I listen this song, a faint and unknowing smile automatically comes in my face remembering that day.
Since then, I have listened this song several times and sometimes, more than thrice as this is played in most of the micro bus these days. And today also I heard the song in a micro bus, but I listened the lyrics today. I tried to interpret it and analyze it. And it gave a meaning to me. It gave a lesson to me that we should have the strength to say that I am the best among others in this whole world. The world is just the silver one but I am the gold. Though you may appreciate me or not, I appreciate myself. I love myself and love my each and every part of my body.
In this hectic life, so many tragic things happen and several times we become unhappy because other don't like us. We are so influenced by what other say to us and we don't like ourselves. But the main thing is if we like ourselves and love ourselves, no one can defeat us. We can do anything and everything. The most important thing is life is loving our self so that we can be more motivated and more focused on our goal. And this realization made like this song even more.
No one is perfect. But we should love even our imperfectness to be perfect. Otherwise, we will not get more than frustrations in our life. 'Love yourself first and every thing comes into line'. So, thanks Rijuta for making me realize this with the help of this song.
Nawang sent me a message on Facebook, "Bhawana Miss valentine lai message send nagarne?" He was talking about his social event 'Cupid For a Cause', which he and some other volunteers of Big Brother and Sister had been doing to bring 44 students of Gimdi and Simle for an educational visit to Kathmandu. I liked the cause they had choosen and wanted to participate in it. And the name of my valentine came in my mind, 'Seetu miss', a person who is with me everyday and every moment. She is not with me only during school hours but always as we do share every moment with each other. Our happy moments and sad as well. So there would be no other measure to thank her for her every support she has given and every care she has shown. So I thought to give her a surprise wish.
And today as we had a plan to have our first meeting for the newsletter of TFN Fellows, I thought to give her the surprise there. So we were all set Nawang to sing and Swoit with his guitar and I with ballons on my hands. We were waiting her. We had planned to meet at 11 am but it was already 11:30. And we knew that Seetu came, so we became ready to give her a surprise and when she opened the door we were shouted 'Surprise' but calmly she said, "Sorry I am late". We were expecting her different reaction. After sometime she began to have a loud laugh.
So the day was just amazing. Being a TFN Fellow I feel that one of the greatest asset that I have got is Seetu. I would never have got such a wonderful friend, if I hadn't joined Teach For Nepal.
Celebrating the silver jubilee of my life, I have so many
feelings going through my head and heart at the moment. Till last year I had
the opinion that I had to face so many challenges that year. I had the feeling
like I had to take so many difficult choices.
