To Himal Raj Kangdangwa; a tribute from his friend (Story of Transformation 9)

what a deep devotedness of woe

I wept thy absence - o'er and o'er again 

Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew pain, 

And memory, like a drop that, night and day, 

Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart away! 

~Thomas Moore 

           Thomas Moore, so elegantly expresses his emotions for his deceased friend, I wish I could do so. I wish I could share how I feel in his absence. I know the feeling of being left over, yes! Left over, is so hard, in one way or the other we all have gone through it. It’s so difficult when you know someone with whom you have spent your wonderful time has left you, and the pain is even more when you realize the person is never going to return. He will never do those things again that he used to do, he now is just in your memory.

Recently Himal Raj Kangdangwa, my college friend left me in a similar state. I spent my three years in college with him. Even after college, we were always connected. During those days, I never ever saw him being sad or lamenting over anything. He just loved dancing and acting and used to be busy on that. Rest of the world would never be a matter to him. Well, I preferred his dancing to acting. I used to tell him he still need to work as an actor. Today when I went through all of his works, which is easy as it's all in social media, I realize how much he had transformed in these five years. 

         We had started our career almost at the same time. I had started as a journalist and he as a model of music videos. He always used to tease me by telling me to help him promote his videos by making news on him and I always used to say “I don’t belong to entertainment beat, so I can’t do anything on it.” My justification wouldn't work on him, he never left teasing. So, I used to emphasize, “I don’t write on reel life actors. You need to be a real life hero.” These words wouldn’t affect him rather he would confidently say one day you will write on me. I think I don’t need to say more. I am really writing on him. 

Final day of our college

      When I first met him, I had a very negative impression about him. I found him as a guy who was not serious about his career, his goals, who always used to flirt with girls. I guess, he hadn’t left even a single girl of our college to flirt. I remember him praising every girl with the tag Miss Universe. He used to go to every girl and related her with the then Miss Universe. The interesting part was he never used to know who actually the Miss Universe, even her name was. Once he was caught for that and badly teased about it. I guess, he then never teased with that tag, at least in front of us. But slowly, I along with my other friends started to know about him and started to get connected with him. We, knew how serious he was about his acting. How good he was as a friend. He was just trying to make others laugh by flirting. Slowly, we had a good rapport with him.

Get-together at Bhedetar.
I vividly remember how he was able
to lure the other groups with his dance moves. 

I remember how he used to write answers in his exam. I had never found such guy before. He would never read any of the novel or poems, as we were the students of English Literature. He used to carry a Guess paper and read that and ask others to translate it in Nepali for him. Interesting part is, he used to write all the answers in Roman even in exams of English, and only God knows how he would pass. Such a fun person he was. All these are a mere memory now. He is just in our old photographs.

Today when I am writing this, I must beg sorry with him as I am writing about him so late; today, when he is no more with us. But, here I must acknowledge the fact that he was growing as a star and he deserved more. I was waiting that one day surely he would be where he had seen himself, as a star; a hero of kollywood.

           A son of a well-off family, he could have get anything if he could have got anything he wanted without struggling as we know the context of Nepal. But he chose the way of struggle. He struggled a lot to make a place; to make him known himself as a rising star in other words to make his identity in the mass where everyday a new model takes birth with the dream of being a star. There were several times when he used to fail, but he was never disappointed, rather he grew with each failure. He strived and thrived in the entertainment market and made his name in the industry. He had slowly started to gain. Then there, comes the tragedy, he had to leave in a terrible accident.

         I know he would have done more if he had been here. But what he showed us is, he lived every bit of his life, each moment. His love for friends, music, dance and acting and most be mentioned his love for food is what remains in us still today and even in the days to come. He has taught me a lesson that life is too short to lament on anything, live every moment of it. 

I hope others who have known him closely too are feeling the same right now. His new song, I don’t know whether it’s his last or there are still some left to be released, made me reflect about his life more. I analyzed his acting and realized how much he had grown in his career. Definitely, just as the song says, “ marijane jindagi ho kati daar chaina” ( Life is mortal, so why to worry?)

I know he is never going to see this, and he is never going to tease me again for his victory that I have written about him. I don't know how to express the moments that we had spent and the struggles that he had done. This is just a wordy tribute to a friend for his journey of transformation.