The Love Shower

Sudden warmth;

aroused on me,

when you started to touch gently.

My heart started to beat fast,

there was a quick flash;

that ran through my nerves

without missing any lines and curves

I  was trying to control,

pause you and tried you to hold.

But how was it possible?

When I was already on your arms.

You had already won me up

I started liking your the then job

I felt the softness of your lips

Closed my eyes and enjoyed the kiss

For the first time

I was feeling something exceptional,

which made me feel special

Slowly, gradually, deeply

I was within you completely

Enjoying our journey of making love.

The sensation, the tenderness, the numbness

and also the moment when we had no emotions at all

Eventually I bestowed my purity to you

without any shame,

without any blame

Now you are liable to care for

my trust, my love with which I showered you.  

In quest for the answers

The revelation of new grading system of School Leaving Certificate is now the heat of the moment. No student will fail the School Leaving Certificate (SLC) exams from next year have just spread like a slogan. The government has decided to replace the evaluation of students using the categorical 'pass', 'fail' by grade system. Students will be graded on a 6-point scale from A+ to E.

As a general public, I read the news, and then thought for some time for its pros and cons. But before I could finalize its merits and demerits, the critics forwarded their opinion about it and I am happy that this made my thought process easier. Some people have open heartedly welcomed the new system where as some have drawn some criticisms on it.

Here, I neither want to go for nor against it because as far as I know, the personnel who have unveiled this system are the ones who have experienced a lot, have gained lot of knowledge and know more about our education system.  l also know that they must have done some research and backward planning before making it public and deciding it to be executed from next year. After reading the news, I had some questions. 

Let me beg you; please don't call me inpatient for my questions as I waited for a whole week to get it answered. I went through the news portals and almost all the search engines to find out its answers but couldn't find it. So finally I am penning it down.

According to the Curriculum Development Center, a student's 10 years can't be judged with 32 marks. As many students fail in the SLC examination due to the number grading system which has caused negative effects on academic sector. But as far as the information I have gained up to now, how is it so different from the present numbering system?

As per the new system students securing above 90 percentage will be graded A+ (Distinction) while percentage from 80 to 89 will be given A (Excellent) grade. Likewise, 60 to 79 percentages will secure B (Very good), 40 to 59 percentages under C (Good) and 25 to 39 percentages under the D (Weak) grades. Students below 25 percentages will be listed in the E (Very weak) grade. In this context, as per my knowledge, the system will only replace the words 'Pass' and 'Fail' by some other better sounding adjectives 'Good' and 'Weak'. It still is categorical and it only focuses on the academic excellence or on the basis of test papers of grade ten. What about those students who don't excel in academic but are good beyond it. The system doesn't mention about it. I may be wrong, but what I think is if we are concerned in the over all negative effect of the prevalent system, then we all are waiting for such system in which our children would be judged not only on the basis of their text book knowledge but also beyond it, otherwise the psychological effect would be the same after the results as those students who would feel hurt with the word 'Fail' in their results would feel the same when they see 'Weak' in it.

I heard that the aim of this grading system is to not only to improve the grading system but also to upgrade the secondary level examination evaluation process. Sorry to ask here also but, when the foundation is weak; will it not be difficult to say that we will anyhow upgrade the top floor? Wouldn't it be more beneficial if we had started it from the bottom level, so that our children would start being habituated on it and even teachers would gain more knowledge on evaluation procedure of the system itself?

Will the question papers and module of question be same even in the new grading system? If not then, teachers need to know the questions module also on time. Otherwise making children do a new set of questions in haste may cause another problem as well.

Another question, we all know that the best High Schools want to take the best students. So, what will be the context if our High Schools would only admit the 'Distinction' 'Excellent', 'Very Good' and 'Good' grade holders? What will our 'Weak' and 'Very Weak' children go? Don't they deserve to get the quality education? And what shall we do with the 'Very Weak' students? Aren't we going to take their re-examination? Or, are we going to let them go on their own way as any how they have completed their schooling?

Last but not the least, I am a Teach For Nepal Fellow and have been teaching for one and half years to the secondary level students. And with this revelation, I have noticed a drastic change in my students' behavior towards studying. Since, my experience in this sector is less; I want to find out some solutions for myself as I have seen that now a days they say that no one is going to fail SLC, so there is no matter of putting up our effort on to it. I am a bit disappointed with their views. I am surely not against their happiness but my concern is only that are they right?

How should I answer to their queries? I would be grateful if I could get the answers on time so that when I would guide them or start teaching them from next session, I may give them correct guidelines and suggestions. Until and unless, I am clear on this system, I can't help my kids on it. I am not sure but I think I represent the feelings of some teachers who too are in quest for the answers.

The Talk

Was it right or was it wrong?

I don't know

I don't want to judge

I talked to you

holding all my fearful emotions

I hope you won't let me down

just taking it as a fun. 

This was the first time

I ever talked without thinking culprit and crime

sharing with was something so sublime

I just couldn't stop afterwards my faint smile

Yes, let's leave the end on destiny

You and I are not the one who can challenge any

let's live in the moment

as there is always someone guiding us who is benevolent.  

Are you real?

Please,

don't appear on my mind

I can't welcome you

don't emerge on my thoughts

I can't acknowledge you

For me,

you are like a ghoul

with whom I can't linger

you are like an appraisal

which I can't consider

But still,

you come ahead

breaking the norm of my chamber

you show up

tormenting all my desires that I wish for

Who are you?

I am forced to assume

are you an aberrant?

I am obliged to guess

are you really true and existent?  

Small things great

You have so many problems with the statuesque. You want the society to change and for that you are blaming the political leaders for not fulfilling their respective role. Wait, think, may be here, we can do something by ourselves. You don't need to be a politician to help bring change in the society.  But you can start from small. Volunteering is a great way to get out there and do something about the suffering in today's world. 

Sujan Adhikari, an under graduate student of Agriculture has been involved in different volunteering activities along with his studies with the opinion that he would get some experience from it, which he thinks would benefit him in his career prospect. On the other hand Bikash Deshar, who has recently completed his under graduation degree  has started to find a new meaning in his profession when has begun to work as a volunteer teacher of a community school, joining the movement of ending education inequity. Bikash says," Before too I was working as a teacher, then, I used to think just of teaching but now I feel as a teacher teaching may be my job but it's not only about that I care about their personal life and their background as well. I think about giving my best. I have started thinking differently."

Sujan and Bikash are just the examples of two youths who volunteer their time and energy for the society with their own motive. At present moment like them there are thousands of others who have started making volunteering as a part of their lives. With busy lives, it is definitely hard to find time to volunteer. However, the benefits of volunteering are enormous to the person himself, to the family and the community as well.  One of the well-known benefits of volunteering is the impact in the community. Even helping out with the smallest tasks can make a real difference to the lives of people around us for whom we are working. 

Wikipedia has defined volunteering as a generally considered an altruistic activity and is intended to promote goodness or improve human quality of life. In return, this activity can produce a feeling of self-worth and respect. There is no financial gain involved of the individual. Volunteering is also renowned for skill development, socialization and fun.

According to a survey by University of Essex has found out that voluntary work holds the key to happiness in the community. The survey which was done in the 101 randomly selected district authorities and across a range of volunteer projects found out that those areas with the best quality of life had high levels of informal voluntary activity. People living in areas where many citizens gave up their time for others enjoyed a better health, suffered less crime and claimed to be 'very satisfied' with their lives also having the higher school grades.

With this another important thing is that helping others kindles happiness to the concerned person as well. When researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationship between volunteering and measures of happiness in a large group of American adults, they found the more people volunteered, the happier they were.

Dedicating your time as a volunteer helps you make new friends, expand your network, and boost your social skills. Volunteering also strengthens your ties to the community and broadens your support network, exposing you to people with common interests, neighborhood resources, and fun and fulfilling activities. Volunteering can also help you build upon skills you already have and use them to benefit the greater community.

There are numerous volunteer opportunities available. The key is to find a volunteer position that you would enjoy and are capable of doing. The right match can help you find friends, reach out to the community, learn new skills, and even advance your career.

Every bit of help can make a difference in the lives of those who are less fortunate, or an environment which is close to destruction, or an animal that faces the threat of extinction. With so many different charities out there today, you can dedicate your time to your cause of choice.

While telling all these, we must not forget that there are some problems as well to be a volunteer. While working for others you may have to suffer from the problems like lack of transportation, time constraints, no pocket money and many others. Here, what we can say is that the most valuable skill to move oneself up as a volunteer is the compassion, an open mind, a willingness to do whatever is needed and a positive attitude. But, what is sure is that volunteering leaves you and your community with renewed creativity, motivation and vision.

Published on Sopan News http://sopannews.com/small-things-great/

Being your dream girl

It may seem like I may be having a false dream
You may feel like I am having an unfulfilled whim


the dream, of being your dream girl
the whim, of sharing you my rise and fall



I want to be in your bosom
gazing the stars
blushing on all those compliments
that you would make for me

I want to make a long call,
overnight, with our tit bits
where we would grin even on our silence
when we have nothing left to talk

I want to wait for you
when you would come to me
surpassing all the hustle and bustle of the town
just to meet me

Dear, can I have my dream come true?
Can I come in your dream and dance with you?

Oh! my dear how should I express?
when, I am trying my best to make you impress.

Let me make it short
Can I be your dream girl?

Conquering the darkness (Story of Transformation 2)

What are you addicted on to? Are you on a crushing addiction on food, or on the newest technology, television series, and some brands of chocolates, Facebook or any other?  Our addiction is so bizarre and we, with our grinned face accept it with the common refrain that "Everyone is addicted to something." Certainly, we wouldn't have any remorse on it as neither society nor we, ourselves would haunt with the social stigma of being called 'The Addict'

.

But what would be the situation if we have to be the victim of the same taunt every time you pass through some one?

The condition is unimaginable and the most important part is we will not only be out-caste from the social circle but we also will descend from your own personal dynamism.  

I am sure with these few words you have already understood, what kind of addiction I am talking about? If you are thinking that I am pointing out the addiction of drug use, then yes you are absolutely right.

Russell Brand says "Addiction is as serious disease; will end with jail, mental institutions, or DEATH." Russell's statement holds the authenticity as we have seen the condition of youths in our society who have been addicted to drugs. They have to go through several socio-economic predicaments with very less support from family and friends to eventually losing their self esteem.  The condition of Basanta Adhikari was not any different when he was habituated to drugs, who is now a well-known social activist; the founding president of Bikalpa, an Alternative.

I met him, three years back for an interview of my weekly talk show, when he was working for his campaign 'GariKhana Deu' (Livable Nepal). That short talk influenced me so much. The way he shared his story of transformation and his journey (which I couldn't broadcast all due to time issues) really inspired me. No one can imagine how he has stood up once falling into the mud and started his journey for social change. We can guess how hard it would have been for him.

He became misguided when he was 16 years old. After his School Leaving Certificate (SLC) exam he had some leisure time; which he couldn't manage properly. He still remembers how he had wasted his time being engaged in unnecessary fights and other unproductive works then. Slowly, he fell in the grip of some bad company who were drug users. Once, he tasted the drug and found it good, he eventually started to become addicted to it. And we can guess how had his life been then aspiring for drug every moment. 

Wait, this is not the end. Behind the drug addict, there was another Basanta who always gave him a voice to get out of all this disgrace and move forward on a new journey; a journey of transformation- , a journey to walk for his own self and for the whole society. He failed many times during these phase, but never lost his hope. Each failure gave him a new strength to move forward on his journey of positive change. Then, Baburaja Shrestha from BMC Siltes turned out to be his God Father by giving him a chance to change.
This chance suddenly aroused a new addiction on him. He started to fully engage in work and study. He still has the memory of those days when he used to work 12-14 hours with a very few pay. He resumed his study as well.  And slowly things started to open up for him.

It took him approximately a decade to work for something good, leaving all the humiliation of being an addict behind him. For 3 years he led and empowered young people in eastern region. In 2010, he got a scholarship opportunity for doing Master’ on Inter Asia NGOs studies. After completing his study, he returned and again started to empower young people voluntarily in his locality. Then, he promoted the Livable campaign. At present, he has started his new organization, Bikalpa, an Alternative. Through this he envisions a Nepal where rule of law is supreme and citizens can exercise their natural rights to life, liberty and property in a vibrant and free society. The organization seeks to develop a culture that favors individual and economic freedom, in spheres of personal lives and policy issues through research, education and civic engagement.

He still feels the pain of his journey of transformation.  He remembers those days when police men used to treat him badly and when the society used to ignore him as a person even when he had tried to change himself.

Now the time has rolled. The perspective of people towards him has changed. Now, when he compares his past with the present, he finds difference in him and this gives him the immense happiness in his life. Thus, he wants other youths who too are in the same darkness to move on and transform but shares sadly that still the attitude of people towards the addicts haven't changed yet. First, he wants none to be addicted on it. In case if any one has been on to it, the family and society should help him to move on, he opines.

Not all stories have fairy-tale endings. It was Adhikari's self awareness that helped him to move on and choose a new path for himself, but there are some examples who had even given up their lives because of drugs. So, it's our responsibility to help them get out of it. People often won't try quitting until they're forced because it seems too hard. But we as their friend, relative and a social member can help them understand that healing from addiction takes time. We also shouldn't lose hope as there are people like Basanta Adhikari who have conquered the darkness.

You can watch the talk show that was broadcast-ed on Makalu Television almost two years ago here. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTYbgC-kStM&list=UUu_UqZ733AmoDtucSCiCVjw 

https://www.youtube.com/watchv=qHmvEnfQE8M&list=UUu_UqZ733AmoDtucSCiCVjw&index=66

https://www.youtube.com/watchv=xSvosYnNUSI&index=65&list=UUu_UqZ733AmoDtucSCiCVjw )

Supporting the country

Recently while I was rolling down the news feed of Facebook, my hands just halted for a while when I happened to see a photograph on a Facebook Page associated with the Beauty Pageant of Nepal urging the people to vote for our beauty queen Prinsha Shrestha as much as they can on social media so that she would get direct entry on Top 16 on Miss Earth 2014. 

Yes, our Prinsha has definitely the mesmerizing beauty and is photogenic that she can hold our mind for a while and nobody would turn away without clicking the like and share button for her. But this time, there was another thing that made me stop; the photograph had the tagline India Vs Nepal. The most surprising part is that the photograph had worked so rightly as I could see 148 shares while her photograph with some females with whom she had worked which was just below it urging the same thing had just 18 shares. Why was it? Does this really mean that We Nepalese hate Indians? Or what?

The incident made me go back to one of my classes of Critical Analysis. My professor started the class with just a simple question that "what is the meaning of PATRIOTISM for we, Nepalese?"

We all the students were so eager to answer his question with valuable quotes and deep thoughts. Our professor just smiled and replied."Really? Are you giving the answer for the sake of argument or do you really think so?" 

He added, you as an individual may think that but as in group, we know only one definition of patriotism and that definition is patriotism is just always standing against our neighboring country India. If there was no India then we would never had the feeling of patriotism.

Let me make his phrase clear before you start thinking negative about my professor that he had given that statement just to make us more clear about what critical analysis really is. But this made me really analyze the present scenario of our country and what we genuinely think about being patriotic. 

Yes, we all love our nation and no one can change the feeling that we feel about our country. We get hurt when our team loses any game. We all support our people with all our effort when he/she is representing our country and we want our people to win. But it is also true that the pain is even more when our team loses with the Indian team or lets say the joy is even greater when our team gets victory over the Indian team. 

We show our stand on having our own identity on being Nepalese only when our ego is triggered by some Indian. Why is it? Can't we take India just like another neighboring country which has bilateral relationships with us? We made a history by organizing the 8th SAARC summit in our country; which had so many other news that general people would like to be informed about but the sad part was that more than 80% of the news on most of the news portals were dedicated to Modi and his visits, his plans of visiting apart from Kathmandu Valley, what he gifted and so on? There were other delegates as well who opined about Nepal. But why is it always Modi? 

I also agree that Modi has a personality that would grasp anyone's attention and I also have the agreement on being the neighboring state so many things are connected between Nepal and India; if there is a hurricane in India, Nepal too faces the climatic change. If flood engulfs Nepal, the same flood destroys India as well. Because of the scholarships provided by Indian government, many of us have gained quality education. 

Here, my point is only that we can clean our roads and decorate our historical monuments every day even when Modi or any other Indian delegates aren't visiting us. We can vote for our beauty queen with the motive that she is representing our country not just when we know that Indian beauty queen is going to win her. We can have patriotism even then when we don't need to show it of to any other nationals or countries after all patriotism means supporting the country all the time when it deserves it.

Feelings Untold

Each time I look into your eyes

I feel lost and mesmerized

Each time you call my name

I hear it so elegant

Each time I talk with you

A faint smile switches on my mood

Each time you come into my mind

I find no place to hide

Each time you run away from me

I find your spirit is still around me

Each time you ask me to answer

I give you a gesture

Why don't you understand?

I don't want to simplify

this complication

I don't want to give any justification

Let it be the way it is

let me be the way I am

I love being lost on this maze

You find the answer on my gaze

Trust Me...

No nimble eyes to peep

No nightingale's speech

No rose flowered cheeks

Oh! Look at my figure;

It's so plump and big.

You are striking, I am ill-favored

You are appealing, I am appalling

You are lively, I am called bored

If you are a blockbuster, I am tagged flop.

With all these dissimilarities

Even lacking some brilliant qualities

I have the dare to accept,

the truth that you always contempt

We can be the perfect soul mate;

the one to change our fate

Even if you disrespect

I will be there to accompany you,

whenever you need any help.

Touch the emotions of my heart

Feel the purity of my love

you will realize how much I admire you;

how much I aspire for you

What will you do with the nimbleness?

 It's temporary.

What will you do with the rosiness?

It's momentary.

Let's love keeping our oppositions behind

Let's care setting our egos aside,

We can hold each other utmost,

let's start to move together,

TRUST Me,

there is a beautiful world waiting for us.

Want to Thank...

We get more inspired to work when our work gets acknowledged. Thank you Republica for acknowledging our input that we are making. We are really very proud to be a Teach for Nepal Fellow and we would like request other female friends to join our mission of ending education inequity. http://www.myrepublica.com/portal/index.php?action=news_details&news_id=87393#.VHWJ0jzmC4g.twitter

Thank you Seetu Shakya for your lovely words...http://c2see2.blogspot.com/2014/11/live-in-relation-with-you-i-know-in.html


Here, I stand for the peace in the world. https://www.facebook.com/MyFaceForPeace/photos/a.375020229251257.93508.374867802599833/768190109934265/?type=1

Chasing the childhood mirage

“Don't you wish you could take a single childhood memory and blow it up into a bubble and live inside it forever?” 

- Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

I don't consider myself having a very good memory and when it's about my childhood; it's really very poor. I struggle to recall the events from the days, which most of the people happily share their blissful days. Sometimes I question myself; am I suffering from childhood amnesia?

On this yes/No question, when a part of my brain starts scratching for the positive answer, the next part of my brain answers may be I don't have such wonderful memories of my childhood.  Recently I talked with one of my friends about the childhood memories. He had so many things to share, so many pranks that still makes him giggle. Listening to my friend I was also laughing. At that moment I was feeling like I had never laughed in such a way for a long time.

Then, I went on my flashback a long, long way back. I dipped my head to the trash if I could find some reminisces where I may have mistakenly dumped my childhood memoirs.  After searching a lot, I found some blur images eventually; which too are fragmented.

I somewhat resembled myself with this picture, though it's not mine.

A girl with short boys cut hair strolling on the ground lonely…. There is a tree in front of the house where we live. I am marking my height on that tree. I wish I would at least reach the lower bough of that tree.

The toy peddler comes every day with beautiful toys and asks me if I want any. I look at him and say 'No, my parents are not at home. You come when my parents will be with me.'

I wished the road was as clear
 as this without any vehicles.

My best friend's home is across the road but there are too many buses. I don't dare to cross the road to go and meet her. My mom hasn't permitted me to go there alone. I curse the buses.

Apple of my eye; he had already lost
 his weight when we clicked this picture
but then also I could n't carry him.

I am very happy. I got a friend. My mother has my brother on her lap. He is so cute and bubbly with chubby cheeks. I want to play with him. I want to carry him but he is too plump. I love him. I love him a lot.

The snap that I made just after the
expression of these emotions.

Sometimes I feel like since, I don't have much photographs of my childhood. Thus, I don't have many memories. May be with this realization, I always take a photograph of my emotions whether I am happy or sad, crying or smiling or any thing, since the day I loath the past memories. 

I am fearful that I may get dreadful amnesia some day at any time and I may need it. I sometimes think this is my fear of unknown which Freud has analysed in his psychoanalysis or whatever I am prepared for it. 

I just want to live my childhood again, which I know is an unfulfilled fantasy.

Umm! Not to forget ! I recently got the idea of closing my eyes and imagining those things that I wanted to do as a child. That was quite fun. I hope the idea will help you as well.

Still dancing like a peacock (Story of Transformation 1)

(Maya Angelou says, "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." Agreeing with her statement, I would like to explore the journey of different people whom I find inspirational and transformational. Here, I present my first inspirational figure Neelam Dhungana, a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and a star. Hope you will also be influenced reading about her.) 

Still dancing like a peacock 

Have you ever thought to yourself having only one leg but also being happy and dancing like a peacock? You may call me insane but it's not a foolish question that I am asking as I have seen someone really doing it here in Nepal. Neelam Dhungana, 21, an amputee, who lost her one leg in a tragic bus accident while she was only 15, has the power to dazzle you with her mesmerizing dance performance. I bet, you will start imagine yourself in her shoes and feel miserable for having both legs and still  not being able to have those flawless steps like her. Neelam is an exemplar in this mentally handicapped society where, physical disability, in everyday thought, is associated with failure, with dependency and with not being able to do things (even the regular chores of life). 

Neelam as her name suggests, is really like a gem stone (The Blue Sapphire), with a captivating beauty and never ending smile. We studied at same school. Though she was my junior, I always had a dream of dancing like her as every one used to appreciate her dance moves. Any cultural program at school and Neelam wasn't there; the program wouldn't be interesting. she was synonymous to a peacock. 

Our life is like a Pandora's Box. We never know what tragic surprises it has for us when we open it. The same happened with Neelam when she was just on her verge of youth. An ambitious dream of being a famous actor, a blissful teenage, thousand youthful aspirations and most of all the best diversion of her life; dancing were all shattered in a road mishap made by a careless driver when she was rightfully walking on her own lane holding the hands of her best buddy. In the tragedy she not only had to lose her ally forever but she even had to mislay all her dreams and lead her remaining life as an amputee with only one leg. When she remembers the very day she says, " I learnt that my leg was amputated  only a day after. Though my family members were around me giving me hope, but in private I used to admit the misery and shed tears for the misfortune of not being able to dance any more.

Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For her, disability was typical trajectory. After a period of time, she started to adapt to her new situation, and started making much of it. She started dancing even with her one leg without giving notice to others for her happiness as dancing was the ultimate ecstasy of her life. After five years of practice (which wasn't easy), her talent got the limelight on a local stage on the occasion of 'International Day of Persons with Disabilities' a year back with the support of Bhima Khatiwada and Mina Acharya, who too are physically disable; whom Neelam likes to credit. Since then, she has never stepped back from her aspiration of being an actor. "Even if life is sometimes hard, my spouse, parents and mentors have always supported me and helped me become the one-leg dancer of Nepal.", Neelam shares. 

We often assume that people with disabilities are unhappy. But in fact we're wrong. Surveys reveal people with disabilities consistently report a quality life as good as, or sometimes even better than that of non-disabled people. Human flourishing is possible even if you lack a major sense like sight, or you can't walk, or you're totally physically dependent on others. Sometimes, they are driven to greater achievements than before. That's why if we presuppose that physical difficulties for people result in misery for them, then we are wrong. 

What is more important here is the social blockade rather than the physical impairment itself. It's true that in general, disabled people usually have fewer choices than non-disabled people. Most societies still have limited accessibility for them, which have certainly created some problem for them. Otherwise, special people like Neelam are much better than mentally jammed people of our society. 

Yes, it's also true that physical impairment undoubtedly involve greater degrees of misery than average human should endure. Apart from that there are some examples like Neelam whose transformative life stories teach us an important lesson that human beings are capable of adapting to almost any situation and can march on to triumph overcoming all the misfortunes. Neelam, even after such misfortune still dances like a peacock and I wish to see the same charismatic moves even in the future. 





(P.S. some amazing performances of Neelam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB19tRz1Lk0  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB19tRz1Lk0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MOnTs8qzLg )

Write up posted on https://www.facebook.com/esso.org/photos/a.206640949521909.1073741830.142410319278306/326488424203827/?type=1&pnref=story

Posted on Young Journalist and Writers Blog http://yjaw.blogspot.com/2015/01/peacock.html

तिमी र म

म खोज्छु र त तिमी हराउछौ
मैले तिमीलाई नखोज्दो हु त तिमीलाई हराउनुको के मजा
तिमी सायद नहराउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई खोज्नुको के मजा

म फकाउछु र त तिमी रिसाउछौ
म तिमीलाई नफकाउदो हु त तिमी रिसाउनुको के अर्थ
तिमी सायद नरिसाउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई फकाउनुको के अर्थ

म तिमीलाई हसाउने प्रयास गर्छु र त तिमी  हास्न कन्जुस्याई गर्छौ
मैले तिमीलाइे हराउने प्रयास नगर्दो हु त तिमी हास्नुको पनि के मुल्य
तिमी सायद प्रत्यक पल हासी रहन्थ्यौ त मैले तिमीलाई हसाउनुको के मुल्य

म पर्खन्छु र त तिमी पखाउछौ
मैले तिमीलाई न पर्खिदो हु त तिमीले मलाई पर्खाउनुमा के आशा
तिमीले सायद नपर्खाउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई पर्खनुमा के आशा

मलाई यही तिमी र म बिचको रिसाउने फकाउने खेल मनपर्छ
मलाई यही तिमी र म बिचको अपसी मेल मनपर्छ
तिमी जे गर त्यो तिम्रो इच्छा हो
म जे गर्छु त्यो मेरो दिक्षा हो ।

Sometimes I feel

Sometimes I feel 

the silence with in me is going to kill me

the turbulence of emotions

the unwanted gratification

the taboo of society

the fake morality

the love,

the trust,

the faith,

the strength,

the mistake,

Sometimes I feel

it's all making me a puppet

a puppet; of time

frustration, uselessness; forbidden, loneliness

bounded by the queries

surrounded by walls

Sometimes I feel

I just want to escape

escape; from all those interpretations

petty justifications

all those rumors

the evil social tumors

Albeit, from all these

sometimes I feel

I shouldn't give up my zeal

what's the big deal,

when every soreness has a heal?

I am the change

for this place so strange

I have to ascend

every bitterness has its end

with hope, with aspiration

I would move on

I pine to bring a new motivation

a motivation; for myself

for all those who need help.

Sometimes I feel.

What if I die?

(Feelings are so crazy that it just needs a small moment to take you away from what you are doing. Today when my dearest Seetu isn't with me at this moment. I am missing her. Though, the poem has no connection with her so that no people start misinterpreting our relationship (haha); I just would like to dedicate these emotions to her. I don't know what made me derive these emotions but it just spontaneously occurred and I just went with the flow.)

What if I die?

Will you cry?

I guess you will.

I guess you will not.

The magical words,

the soft touch

the warm embrace

the gentle gaze

It's all gone

the time has spun

there's no feeling

I don't know, how you are dealing

it used to be thrill

when we used to had candle light meal

around me, there are beautiful sights

but I aspire for the jealous fights

I still miss you

my world consists you

Will you answer me?

Will you cry when I die?

Losing the battle of mind

"How easy is it for you to cope with depression?" This was the question asked to Aalok Nembang four years back for a blog interview; where his answer was "Remember the line "this too shall pass".  On Thursday when he dared to hang himself I can't guess what was going on in his mind but it exposed that his mind wasn't recalling those lines which eventually led him to give up his life. I, as a person, don't call myself as his crazy fan but yes, he was one of mine favorite directors. I loved his creations. His sudden demise has shattered not only me but all of those who have loved Nepalese Art industry.

 So many assumptions are being made about the reasons that led the tragedy. But what has been revealed by now is that he had been going through the phase of depression.  Aalok was a film director, video choreographer, a TV celebrity, and one of the most successful young filmmakers in Nepali filmdom. So it is very hard to believe the news that his act of suicide was the consequence of his depression.

Such a prominent figure! And was in a depression? What was he depressed about? Was there anything lacking in his life which led him to be depressed? He was successful, which most of the youths aspire to have and fall into depression for not having it. Then what was the reason?

Well, I hope the answer may be revealed soon as our police personnel are going through the investigation process and as Aalok was the renowned figure, I am hopeful that his case will not be just an open and shut case and we, as his audience will be able to know about the truth about his life. But this misfortune has given birth to so many questions about the mental health status of our country men.

Although accurate statistics regarding depression are hard to find for the closed societies like Nepal, many of us have probably noticed ourselves or our near and dear ones with the impact of depression. While, it is estimated that about a fifth of the world's population will experience at least one episode of major depression in the course of their lives as a common mental health disorder. Albeit, Nepalese society still attaches the stigma on this issue and even the government seems to turn a blind eye on the priority of mental health facilities in which 80 percent of the mental health is common problems and 20 percent is severe case of depression.

Depression can be caused by biological, psychological and social causes, however there are certain risk factors mainly loneliness, no social support, stressful life experience, relationship problems, childhood trauma, financial difficulty that  can make one vulnerable and should not be ignored.

While, most people who are depressed do not kill themselves, but they have an increase risk of possible suicide. The possibility is even more in the context of our country where people hesitate to talk about these issues and if anybody expresses suicidal thoughts, then either his/her intentions are taken as joke or he/she is termed as a coward. Thus, most of the people choose to suffer rather than to share.

It is important to understand that one can deal with the thought of depression through lifestyle changes. Exercise, yoga, sharing feelings, refraining from being impulsive, relaxing, eating healthy food can also help feel positive and develop sound coping mechanism. Apart from all these, what is primarily important is the way we perceive the people who express their mental and emotional problem. 

Any one at any phase of life can have the problem of depression. We really need to reach out to more people about it. It's serious. People with depression need help. We must remember that time doesn't heal all the problems; rather we must put our effort on to it. Depression is a similar case. Issues related to mental and emotional well-being needs to be the priority even in our place so that we don't have to hear another gleaming star of Nepalese society crumpling down losing the battle of mind.