Chasing the childhood mirage

“Don't you wish you could take a single childhood memory and blow it up into a bubble and live inside it forever?” 

- Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

I don't consider myself having a very good memory and when it's about my childhood; it's really very poor. I struggle to recall the events from the days, which most of the people happily share their blissful days. Sometimes I question myself; am I suffering from childhood amnesia?

On this yes/No question, when a part of my brain starts scratching for the positive answer, the next part of my brain answers may be I don't have such wonderful memories of my childhood.  Recently I talked with one of my friends about the childhood memories. He had so many things to share, so many pranks that still makes him giggle. Listening to my friend I was also laughing. At that moment I was feeling like I had never laughed in such a way for a long time.

Then, I went on my flashback a long, long way back. I dipped my head to the trash if I could find some reminisces where I may have mistakenly dumped my childhood memoirs.  After searching a lot, I found some blur images eventually; which too are fragmented.

I somewhat resembled myself with this picture, though it's not mine.

A girl with short boys cut hair strolling on the ground lonely…. There is a tree in front of the house where we live. I am marking my height on that tree. I wish I would at least reach the lower bough of that tree.

The toy peddler comes every day with beautiful toys and asks me if I want any. I look at him and say 'No, my parents are not at home. You come when my parents will be with me.'

I wished the road was as clear
 as this without any vehicles.

My best friend's home is across the road but there are too many buses. I don't dare to cross the road to go and meet her. My mom hasn't permitted me to go there alone. I curse the buses.

Apple of my eye; he had already lost
 his weight when we clicked this picture
but then also I could n't carry him.

I am very happy. I got a friend. My mother has my brother on her lap. He is so cute and bubbly with chubby cheeks. I want to play with him. I want to carry him but he is too plump. I love him. I love him a lot.

The snap that I made just after the
expression of these emotions.

Sometimes I feel like since, I don't have much photographs of my childhood. Thus, I don't have many memories. May be with this realization, I always take a photograph of my emotions whether I am happy or sad, crying or smiling or any thing, since the day I loath the past memories. 

I am fearful that I may get dreadful amnesia some day at any time and I may need it. I sometimes think this is my fear of unknown which Freud has analysed in his psychoanalysis or whatever I am prepared for it. 

I just want to live my childhood again, which I know is an unfulfilled fantasy.

Umm! Not to forget ! I recently got the idea of closing my eyes and imagining those things that I wanted to do as a child. That was quite fun. I hope the idea will help you as well.