Simle Diary;Bitter but better

I wanted to return. I didn't want to stay there any more. This is what I felt on the third day of my trip to Simle , beautiful place of Southern Lalitpur. If I was listening my heart, that was not the reality but my condition had already been so worse. My body had started to smell ugly and I had started to hate myself because of those frequent itching and scratches due to allergies and all these happened due to lack of water. That was my third day and I was feeling so, how would Bijay Mani G be living there? A  question was frequently hammering my nerves. He had already stayed there for four hundred and thirteen days. And this is really a big number for me. But, on the other hand my heart was answering, why not? of course, he could stay as the view was so beautiful, the breeze was really cool that I could hardly find in my room here at Kathmandu and the children were the main reason. They were really so amazing. 

Photo credit: Rojee Maharjan

Sometimes rainy, sometime sunny and sometimes foggy the weather was changing frequently and I was feeling as if the weather was representing my feeling as sometimes I used to feel too low there whereas sometimes I used to feel so joyous and happy. Most of all what was really important for me was I got the opportunity to see and feel there.

Seetu and I were planning to go to those places, where our other fellows were teaching and we were waiting for our holidays to come. At the mean time, a blessing in disguise came for us as Shisir dai gave us the option to go Simle, with the students from Wisconsin University, U.S.A for 'shramdan'(donating labor). We agreed that and along with us, Rojee and Rijuta also showed their interest to come. 

On bus, being ready to move

On the first day of our journey we found that we were being accompanied by Dilu jee and Sunil jee and also Kabin. We headed towards our destination with a lot of excitement. After we crossed Chapagaun, the view of the road and the whole environment was really different and it was now being difficult to find any shops and other market place as some places were really in solitude. Suddenly, our bus halted at Tikabhairab for some purpose and our eyes stuck in one shop which was hanging modern attire for sale. That really attracted us.

The first shop that we got to see after we crossed Chapagaun

We were going for the first time, that's why it was fun for us but at that moment I was remembering my other fellows who has to go through that way regularly and was feeling how boring they would feel while crossing those lonely ways all the time.

The view of the hills from the window shade of the bus was really mesmerizing but the snake shaped road nearly took our breath. 

Though the way was fun, I desperately wanted to nap for sometime as I had slept late, the last night but it was difficult for me even to take a nap on that somewhat comfortable bus as it was constantly popping me up like a pop corn because of the difficult road. Rijuta's and Sushant's faces were coming in front of my eyes as they used to express the difficulties of going through that way. Last time, when I had met them they were sharing their back problem that they have been suffering as a recent problem because of the difficulty that they have to face going through the way regularly.

Our bus reached it's final destination but that was not final for us as we needed to climb up the hill to reach Simle and Shisir dai told that it may take three hours to reach up to there. I am very bad in climbing the hills. And I always need Seetu to make me climb and I was expecting the same that time also. But I was so surprised with those small kids who were already ready with our heavy luggage on their back and some were already up there. When I started climbing the hills, I was desperately missing Shristi. I was questioning myself how did she complete her one year climbing up and down those hills?  

We still had half way to climb up when we were having rest there

After taking rest in several places, we finally reached the Gumba where Bijaymani jee was already there welcoming us with his wonderful smile. He was down the hill also but I was so nervous about climbing up the hill that I just overlooked him only with a small greeting.But now, as I had reached my destination, I now started to see the people around me and mostly Bijaymani jee. 

Though, it has already been more than one year, we were working together in a movement, I had never been so close to him. There may be various reasons behind that. May be we are too different as a personalities or may be we never dared to talk with each other or may be I respect him and he respected me or may be we hated each other as a person or may be there may be some other reasons which we both of us don't know. So, I was not expecting that he would be so welcoming for us, or may be I had never known who as a real person he was and I was preoccupied but this preoccupied mind changed abruptly when I listened the first sentence that uttered from his mouth when he saw us, "afno manche afnai huncha" (no one can replace the place of one's dear person). I could not believe my ears. Was he telling that for us? As none of us were his best friends during the training that we had undertaken in the TFN house. We would never go with him and talk to him about various issues. Anyways that gave me an immense happiness and also, the wonderful rain at that time washed away all the preoccupation of my selfish and doubtful mind.

That day was just the normal, nothing much important. We just were introduced with the villagers and sent with our partners to our host families. I along with Ashley were led to Ajay's house. There we were provided a separate room, which was quite good and later on I found out that the house was the best one among other's in Simle. Ajay had one elder brother but both of them were too shy to talk to us and even the parents were not open. So, I thought I would talk with them the next day. Then, I and Ashley started to interact with each other. We talked about our interest, college and about our culture. I had never talked to any person for such a long time with anyone like I did with her that day as I had no any other options to do.

Ashley, my room mate for the Simle trip

There was no network, no any means of communication or any other things that would help me to pass my time. The place was so silent and vacant and suddenly I remembered Shristi saying "the silence of that place kills." After sometime we were called for dinner. I could see Ashley having difficulty in eating food with her hands as she was using her hands to eat for the first time. 

Ashley being ready for dinner

After dinner, we talked for few minutes and then went to bed as we both were very tired and we needed to reach at Gumba, early in the morning for our meditation and our house was much farther than other's form Gumba and we even needed to climb hills.

Next morning, we rose up early and headed towards Gumba and had our exercise and meditation. Then, we rushed towards the 'Kailash Resort', the name given by Bijay Mani jee to their small room. We were welcomed there by the 'aalubakhada' (cherry). We for the very first time had our meeting at any cluster and expressed our feelings, which was the mixture of both hopefulness as well as frustrations. We had never expected that we would be so open on our expressions as we had never done that before. We had so many things to share but the time was limited as Bijay jee had to go to his school and we had to start working in the plaster work of the school library and even before that we had to go to our host family again for our lunch.

Our first picture at Bijay jee's 'Kailash Resort'

After lunch, I first got the opportunity to look at the class of Bijaymani jee. It was so nice. The way he had managed every thing, the chart papers, the class song, the small stone library and many efforts. That was such a pleasure to look at. 

We were so engrossed in his teaching and his student's attitude that we forgot that we were there for 'shramdana', not for observation of his class. So, when we reached at the working station, we were a bit late than others. We started to work there. More than, the work, I was being more fascinated by other things, like the students coming there and working, the supporting teachers and mostly the behaviors of the grade nine and ten students. They were so obedient to Bijay jee and I was only thinking, if my grade nine and ten students were also obedient like them.

Then, after our lunch, we started to chat again with our cohort. It was such a wonderful moment that talking with all the fellows and talking and by this time Milan and Binita had also arrived. So, we had new people to talk in our group. We may be wrong in the eyes of other people as we were not working much but that wasn't a mistake in our eyes as we were meeting with each other after such a long time and even more than that we were being so open and friendly with each other. After sometime, when we reached the spot, we found no one there and heard that they had gone to Gumba for reflection of the day. We rushed there so that we wouldn't be late but as the way was very difficult for us, we reached late there. As others were expressing their opinion, we thought not to disturb them as we had arrived late and also not much aware about the issue that they were discussing. But, later because of this issue, we got scolded from Shisir dai.

We were really tired and even sad about what happened but also that was not going to disturb our reflection that we had already planned that we would be doing that night. Along with that, all of us found that meeting with the fellows on their own place was so important for them as well as for us to know about the real scenario how our fellow friends were working and also to motivate ourselves. So, we made a plan to utilize our time going and meeting our friends at Pyutar and Ashrang, as we were not sure, when there will be our holidays at school and whether we would get any other favorable time or not? And our thought was that as we have already reached upto there; why not go to the places near by them? But, we were not allowed. So, we had to cancel the plan.

Then, we left for our host families being sad but with a promise that we would again be together at school after our dinner for reflection of some hours. And as per our promise we gathered in the school by 9pm. And when we actually started reflecting, it was already 10 pm. That was the most genuine moment I felt because, we had never reflect in that manner in any of our reflection. Every body stepped up and spoke and we were expressing all our feelings what ever we had felt for the one year. When we were done and were ready to leave, we were obstructed by a big thunderous rain. We were so afraid about how we were going to return our home. The night now became cold and chilly. We waited the rain to stop and finally at 1 am in the morning, it started to drizzle, we used that chance and ran to home. We were so much in hurry that we crossed the hill in not more than six or seven minutes which would take more than twenty minutes for us in normal time. Ashley was still up because of the rain and she shared with me that she had never heard rain such loud in her whole life. She felt afraid.

The mosquito and bugs are not frightening for me but Ashley was quite afraid of it and I loved her watching fighting with the mosquitoes. And today we were told that we would be returning back to Kathmandu. So, I packed my bags, bid goodbye with the host families and went to school but there we found that we would not be going because of the landslide that occurred due to last night's heavy rain. So, we again returned to our host families. Though, it was only two days that we were there but we were craving for different food, especially the tea. So, we decided to ask Bijay jee to arrange some milk tea for us. He accepted it and started making tea for us and that tea we had an awesome tea party at the class room cum Bijay jee's temporary room. The taste of the tea made by him was so good that it's still in my mouth.

Our grand tea party

photo credit; seetu

Then again started working for the school library. This time I participated in plastering the walls and it made me nostalgic. I along with all my family members used to plaster the walls of our home during our childhood and I remembered that day very much. We completed half of our work and were planning to do the rest but because of the lack of water we couldn't complete.

As it was the final day in the village, the villagers had organized a cultural program for the visitors. Every one had to participate in it. So the U.S.A team also presented their cultural song and dance.  In my case, I like the modern pop dance of the children of Simle. And the program ended with our first cohort song. It such a proud moment each time while singing the cohort song. It was already 9 pm, everyone returned to their host families. We did the same but again we were invited for the evening reflection. But unfortunately, my health was bad that night, I got a severe stomach ache, so couldn't join the reflection.

Next morning, we packed our bags again and had some photographs with our host families for remembrance and again bid goodbye and this time I said that I was actually going. 

with my host family

And our way to School, I asked Ashley, how do you reflect Simle's trip? She instantly replied, " By staying here, I knew how to pee in a hole." 

the toilets are very small there, photo credit seetu 

Then, I thought we all take the same thing from different perspectives. Similarly, we all who were there had different objectives to be fulfilled through this visit. And, in my case, my objective was to see and understand the context where some of my friends worked and to be more inspired from what they are doing and bring that in my classroom and I felt that, my objective was fulfilled.
But, until that time also, we didn't know the condition of the road, whether the block was removed or not? After observing the first class of our fellow friends, we had a formal farewell session and left for Kathmandu. This time we reached the highway, down the hill quite early but also we weren't fortunate enough to get the bus from there, as our bus couldn't arrive there. So, we had to reach at a nearby river where our bus was stuck and that nearby was, more than one hour walk for us. Using many shortcuts we finally reached there and then I felt that, now I would reach Kathmandu safely.

Yes, in the evening at 7 pm, I was at my room finally. In these three days, I got the opportunity to feel all those problems and realizations which our fellows faced in that one year and that was really a difficult situation for me. How could they survive there was my biggest question? And, in this whole trip, there were so many people, some from second cohort and people also from U.S.A. If we had utilized it, then it would have been a good opportunity for us to interact with different fields and circles of people. But, we were happy with our cohort because we knew that we are not going to meet them again in a similar manner and even in a similar context. I know some people even termed the first fellows as cold, introvert and even proud person. But yes, I take all those blames and say I am cold and introvert because I find the whole world in all of my fellows and I forget other people when I start sharing my happiness and sadness with my fellows. And yes, I am proud also because, only few people dare to become the first cohort in such kind of fellowship where they have to contribute their two valuable years in such an unknown context. Each time I see my fellow friends working in such a context, I get more inspired, and it makes me feel that I should visit my other friends also. I am eagerly looking forward for next visit though there is less chance of it. The reality there was bitter but it made me feel better.