Flaunting the Imperfect Stories (Story of Transformation 33)

“Let’s talk about imperfect bodies.”

Okay, let me start with myself.

I recently got diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), in simple terms imbalance in hormones.

If you look at it simply, it’s just that your hormones are not functioning properly, but the consequences is really alarming. I gained 10 kilos of weight within a week and my face got covered with acne. And my doctor predicted that it may take couple of years to find a balance in my hormones.

I got worried.

No, not because of those weight and the acne. Yes, I felt bad about the sudden change but more than that the hormonal imbalance gave me million unnecessary mood swings. I started to get irritated easily and sadness started to haunt me.

It has already been three months and I am far better now.  You can find me happy and smiling again. But in these, three months, what people noticed was my extra weight and acne. They didn’t find that I had stopped laughing the way I used to. They didn’t see me going through that terrible stomach ache when I used to shiver even when I was talking to them. I had other several problems but every day I used to get suggestions of how I have to lose my weight because I am still single. They thought hiding aches should be my priority every morning because I could find my prince charming any time at any moment.

“Actually, why wouldn’t they suggest me that way?”

After all, we all, at least my contemporaries, all grew up reading and watching ‘Snow White’ and ‘Cindrella’. Every day there is a revelation of products that would hide our acne.

But, this incident took me back to my undergrad days when I was slim, umm! Actually thin. People would always suggest me to eat and gain some weight and again with the same purpose.

So, what is the perfect shape of our body?

What is perfection?

Google it.
Yes, we can for it gives us millions of wonderful definition of perfection.

Today, let’s hear the stories of imperfection.

She doesn’t want to reveal her name, but she shared “My first love said that his possibility of dating me would increase by 90% if I lost my weight. I didn't eat anything for a week and got really very weak; couldn't stand up, my legs would tremble.”

What a brilliant mathematician he seems to be!

But is that really his fault?

Diplove Gautam, Foundation Director at Bouddha Inn Meditation Center, considers that the thought of imperfection is an illusion, the self that our society creates for us. Unconsciously we become the victim of negative self-interpretation.

Roshan Dhungel, now, a Teach For Nepal Fellow shared an experience related to it.  “The thin lark body; never let me get out of my thoughts.”

The six packed tight body displayed in every hoarding boards and magazines made him question the body type girls would really get attracted for during his high school days. He kept on blaming himself for eating too much and working out less. The feeling went so deep that he started hating himself for not being able to attract anyone with his small face, long nose, and thin body with small arms.

Perfect body image is a constant issue faced by everyone, given how the standard of perfection is set by others. Every perfect or imperfect (whatever adjective you choose) body has a story to celebrate about. Kabeeta Shah, an undergrad student, felt sad when her tight stomach turned into a little fatty stomach after she couldn’t manage time properly for the sports that she used to play. However what she chooses now is fit body over a perfect or imperfect body these days.

Yes, flawless bodies share their own flawless story. But don’t you think those perfect stories are all made-up just as those photo shopped perfection. Because, in reality our life is filled with blemishes, scars, lumps, invisible pain and silence and all these somehow manifest in our body. And interestingly, while some people pinpoint your flaws, the other group of people crave for your features.

Asmita Gyawali, an MBA student, discloses her story of accepting her body in a beautiful way.

“I can state flaws of each and every part of my body; from my hair to my toes. Believe me, each and every part! But it is surprising to see how many girls come up to me and wish that they had features like mine. I never used to like my lips because they are uneven. My girl friends say that they'd want nothing else if they had lips like mine. Then, I started to accept that I have best of both world; a thin lip as well as thick.”

Accepting our body is about claiming our imperfect bodies completely. It is embracing the truth pain and joy that our bodies have carved in them and then transforming that into a story of what it means to live and walk around in that form.

Whatever we say, I agree that there are definitely going to be the days when we look at the full-length mirror and despise the reflection. But, the fact is we have it that way and we have to live with it then why not accept it and be happy. I would love to conclude my lines with those of Asmita’s, “I am to live with my body, why should I tire myself thinking constantly bad about it? I can just love it!”

A Delightful Flight

Amazingly beautiful they looked,
when they flocked back in their group.
The sky was quite dark,
sun was slowly leaving its mark;
the group slowly fluttered its wings.
May be they had thousand miles to flip.
Chitter chatter, they called their friends;
soaring high like a legend.
Graduall, they reached those clouds
I guess, they had someone to scout
to take them back home
sothat they could sleep sound in thier dome.

म, एक भ्रम

न म तिम्रो अतितमा थिए,
न म तिम्रो भविष्य नै हु ।
त्यसैले मलाई वर्तमानमा पच्छ्याउने नगर,
म केवल तिम्रो भ्रम मात्र हु ।

तिमी जस्तो ठुलो सपनाको शहर म देख्दिन ।
तिमीलाई थाहा नै छ, म ती सुनौला गहनाहरुमा रम्दिन ।
म अझै नि उड्ने गर्छु
मेरो आफ्नै कल्पनाको दुनियामा,
जहां मैले पोतेका रंगहरु तिमीलाई फिक्का लाग्छन् ।
मेरो संसार तिमीलाई सानो लाग्छ,
अनि मेरा शब्दहरु अर्थहिन ।

शुन्दरताको तिमी पुजारी पर्यौ
म त अझै भावना मै विश्वास गर्छु ।
माफि नदिएकी हैन तिमीलाई
यत्ति हो म अचेल म आफुलाई धेरै माया गर्छु ।

Post Box 5

Painted on 16th July, 2017

To you,

With an evergreen love,

The city has turned green; green bangles, green heena and green kurtis. They say this is the month of love where green represents the growth and renewal of love. It’s so interesting when you color yourself green to turn all red in love just as the color of heena.

It’s said the darker the color, darker the love.

“Do you believe in it?”

Haha!

“May be.”

“Okay, let me come to the point.”

As you know, I don’t believe in all these rituals, heena doesn’t excite me in that sense. I don’t color my hands just to wait and see if you love me or not. I don’t ask for your long life in the bangles I wear as you know I am more on to earrings. (haha)

Albeit,

I do believe in the color of love. I do want our love to be fresh and beautiful. I do want us to grow old together. I want our love to find its own color. 

How beautiful it would be to find a new shade so that it would turn out extra ordinary in this ordinary world?

Oh! It reminds me that my small world has started to become colorful. It has all the colors in it, that too in its truest and darkest form. I swear, I haven’t mixed any chemicals. J

Happy Shrawan,

With loads of love.

Truly yours

Love

Post Box 4

x

Painted on July 1, 2017

To you,

with an imperfect love,

With this growing closeness, I guess, you must have already figured out a lot about me. I am an imperfect character; an imperfect daughter, an imperfect sister, an imperfect friend.  I am flawed when it comes to relationships.

Wait!

The list is longer.

I can’t write the words as perfect as I had thought. I can’t paint as beautiful as I had imagined. I can’t teach as perfect as I had planned. I am a messed up person with no perfect goals, no perfect destination to set for and no perfect way to present myself.

You may say these imperfections doesn’t matter to you. But, my dear, the problem is I do have an imperfect heart, which deduces that even my love is imperfect. I don’t know the perfect time to talk to you, the perfect setting to meet you, the perfect attire to wear when with you and perfect issues to talk about with you.

Sometimes, I feel even my touch is imperfect. When I look at your intoxicating eyes, I realize the imperfection of my gaze. As you can see, I have an imperfect body.

I wish I was perfect for you. I wish at least my heart was perfect for you, not because I want everything perfect but because, your presence is so perfect in my life. My imperfect heart floats all in your love in this imperfect world.

Amid these imperfections, the truth is the person whom you are growing close with is herself. She doesn’t pretend to be someone else. She doesn’t want perfection even in you. She knows these imperfections are what makes her. And embracing all these imperfections within herself, she hugs you tight.

Yes, her hug is also imperfect but dear love, I just want to share a secret, you are the only person whom she has hugged so tight with all those gushing imperfect lovable feelings.

Truly yours,

Love