Supporting the country

Recently while I was rolling down the news feed of Facebook, my hands just halted for a while when I happened to see a photograph on a Facebook Page associated with the Beauty Pageant of Nepal urging the people to vote for our beauty queen Prinsha Shrestha as much as they can on social media so that she would get direct entry on Top 16 on Miss Earth 2014. 

Yes, our Prinsha has definitely the mesmerizing beauty and is photogenic that she can hold our mind for a while and nobody would turn away without clicking the like and share button for her. But this time, there was another thing that made me stop; the photograph had the tagline India Vs Nepal. The most surprising part is that the photograph had worked so rightly as I could see 148 shares while her photograph with some females with whom she had worked which was just below it urging the same thing had just 18 shares. Why was it? Does this really mean that We Nepalese hate Indians? Or what?

The incident made me go back to one of my classes of Critical Analysis. My professor started the class with just a simple question that "what is the meaning of PATRIOTISM for we, Nepalese?"

We all the students were so eager to answer his question with valuable quotes and deep thoughts. Our professor just smiled and replied."Really? Are you giving the answer for the sake of argument or do you really think so?" 

He added, you as an individual may think that but as in group, we know only one definition of patriotism and that definition is patriotism is just always standing against our neighboring country India. If there was no India then we would never had the feeling of patriotism.

Let me make his phrase clear before you start thinking negative about my professor that he had given that statement just to make us more clear about what critical analysis really is. But this made me really analyze the present scenario of our country and what we genuinely think about being patriotic. 

Yes, we all love our nation and no one can change the feeling that we feel about our country. We get hurt when our team loses any game. We all support our people with all our effort when he/she is representing our country and we want our people to win. But it is also true that the pain is even more when our team loses with the Indian team or lets say the joy is even greater when our team gets victory over the Indian team. 

We show our stand on having our own identity on being Nepalese only when our ego is triggered by some Indian. Why is it? Can't we take India just like another neighboring country which has bilateral relationships with us? We made a history by organizing the 8th SAARC summit in our country; which had so many other news that general people would like to be informed about but the sad part was that more than 80% of the news on most of the news portals were dedicated to Modi and his visits, his plans of visiting apart from Kathmandu Valley, what he gifted and so on? There were other delegates as well who opined about Nepal. But why is it always Modi? 

I also agree that Modi has a personality that would grasp anyone's attention and I also have the agreement on being the neighboring state so many things are connected between Nepal and India; if there is a hurricane in India, Nepal too faces the climatic change. If flood engulfs Nepal, the same flood destroys India as well. Because of the scholarships provided by Indian government, many of us have gained quality education. 

Here, my point is only that we can clean our roads and decorate our historical monuments every day even when Modi or any other Indian delegates aren't visiting us. We can vote for our beauty queen with the motive that she is representing our country not just when we know that Indian beauty queen is going to win her. We can have patriotism even then when we don't need to show it of to any other nationals or countries after all patriotism means supporting the country all the time when it deserves it.

Feelings Untold

Each time I look into your eyes

I feel lost and mesmerized

Each time you call my name

I hear it so elegant

Each time I talk with you

A faint smile switches on my mood

Each time you come into my mind

I find no place to hide

Each time you run away from me

I find your spirit is still around me

Each time you ask me to answer

I give you a gesture

Why don't you understand?

I don't want to simplify

this complication

I don't want to give any justification

Let it be the way it is

let me be the way I am

I love being lost on this maze

You find the answer on my gaze

Trust Me...

No nimble eyes to peep

No nightingale's speech

No rose flowered cheeks

Oh! Look at my figure;

It's so plump and big.

You are striking, I am ill-favored

You are appealing, I am appalling

You are lively, I am called bored

If you are a blockbuster, I am tagged flop.

With all these dissimilarities

Even lacking some brilliant qualities

I have the dare to accept,

the truth that you always contempt

We can be the perfect soul mate;

the one to change our fate

Even if you disrespect

I will be there to accompany you,

whenever you need any help.

Touch the emotions of my heart

Feel the purity of my love

you will realize how much I admire you;

how much I aspire for you

What will you do with the nimbleness?

 It's temporary.

What will you do with the rosiness?

It's momentary.

Let's love keeping our oppositions behind

Let's care setting our egos aside,

We can hold each other utmost,

let's start to move together,

TRUST Me,

there is a beautiful world waiting for us.

Want to Thank...

We get more inspired to work when our work gets acknowledged. Thank you Republica for acknowledging our input that we are making. We are really very proud to be a Teach for Nepal Fellow and we would like request other female friends to join our mission of ending education inequity. http://www.myrepublica.com/portal/index.php?action=news_details&news_id=87393#.VHWJ0jzmC4g.twitter

Thank you Seetu Shakya for your lovely words...http://c2see2.blogspot.com/2014/11/live-in-relation-with-you-i-know-in.html


Here, I stand for the peace in the world. https://www.facebook.com/MyFaceForPeace/photos/a.375020229251257.93508.374867802599833/768190109934265/?type=1

Chasing the childhood mirage

“Don't you wish you could take a single childhood memory and blow it up into a bubble and live inside it forever?” 

- Sarah Addison Allen, Lost Lake

I don't consider myself having a very good memory and when it's about my childhood; it's really very poor. I struggle to recall the events from the days, which most of the people happily share their blissful days. Sometimes I question myself; am I suffering from childhood amnesia?

On this yes/No question, when a part of my brain starts scratching for the positive answer, the next part of my brain answers may be I don't have such wonderful memories of my childhood.  Recently I talked with one of my friends about the childhood memories. He had so many things to share, so many pranks that still makes him giggle. Listening to my friend I was also laughing. At that moment I was feeling like I had never laughed in such a way for a long time.

Then, I went on my flashback a long, long way back. I dipped my head to the trash if I could find some reminisces where I may have mistakenly dumped my childhood memoirs.  After searching a lot, I found some blur images eventually; which too are fragmented.

I somewhat resembled myself with this picture, though it's not mine.

A girl with short boys cut hair strolling on the ground lonely…. There is a tree in front of the house where we live. I am marking my height on that tree. I wish I would at least reach the lower bough of that tree.

The toy peddler comes every day with beautiful toys and asks me if I want any. I look at him and say 'No, my parents are not at home. You come when my parents will be with me.'

I wished the road was as clear
 as this without any vehicles.

My best friend's home is across the road but there are too many buses. I don't dare to cross the road to go and meet her. My mom hasn't permitted me to go there alone. I curse the buses.

Apple of my eye; he had already lost
 his weight when we clicked this picture
but then also I could n't carry him.

I am very happy. I got a friend. My mother has my brother on her lap. He is so cute and bubbly with chubby cheeks. I want to play with him. I want to carry him but he is too plump. I love him. I love him a lot.

The snap that I made just after the
expression of these emotions.

Sometimes I feel like since, I don't have much photographs of my childhood. Thus, I don't have many memories. May be with this realization, I always take a photograph of my emotions whether I am happy or sad, crying or smiling or any thing, since the day I loath the past memories. 

I am fearful that I may get dreadful amnesia some day at any time and I may need it. I sometimes think this is my fear of unknown which Freud has analysed in his psychoanalysis or whatever I am prepared for it. 

I just want to live my childhood again, which I know is an unfulfilled fantasy.

Umm! Not to forget ! I recently got the idea of closing my eyes and imagining those things that I wanted to do as a child. That was quite fun. I hope the idea will help you as well.

Still dancing like a peacock (Story of Transformation 1)

(Maya Angelou says, "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." Agreeing with her statement, I would like to explore the journey of different people whom I find inspirational and transformational. Here, I present my first inspirational figure Neelam Dhungana, a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and a star. Hope you will also be influenced reading about her.) 

Still dancing like a peacock 

Have you ever thought to yourself having only one leg but also being happy and dancing like a peacock? You may call me insane but it's not a foolish question that I am asking as I have seen someone really doing it here in Nepal. Neelam Dhungana, 21, an amputee, who lost her one leg in a tragic bus accident while she was only 15, has the power to dazzle you with her mesmerizing dance performance. I bet, you will start imagine yourself in her shoes and feel miserable for having both legs and still  not being able to have those flawless steps like her. Neelam is an exemplar in this mentally handicapped society where, physical disability, in everyday thought, is associated with failure, with dependency and with not being able to do things (even the regular chores of life). 

Neelam as her name suggests, is really like a gem stone (The Blue Sapphire), with a captivating beauty and never ending smile. We studied at same school. Though she was my junior, I always had a dream of dancing like her as every one used to appreciate her dance moves. Any cultural program at school and Neelam wasn't there; the program wouldn't be interesting. she was synonymous to a peacock. 

Our life is like a Pandora's Box. We never know what tragic surprises it has for us when we open it. The same happened with Neelam when she was just on her verge of youth. An ambitious dream of being a famous actor, a blissful teenage, thousand youthful aspirations and most of all the best diversion of her life; dancing were all shattered in a road mishap made by a careless driver when she was rightfully walking on her own lane holding the hands of her best buddy. In the tragedy she not only had to lose her ally forever but she even had to mislay all her dreams and lead her remaining life as an amputee with only one leg. When she remembers the very day she says, " I learnt that my leg was amputated  only a day after. Though my family members were around me giving me hope, but in private I used to admit the misery and shed tears for the misfortune of not being able to dance any more.

Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For her, disability was typical trajectory. After a period of time, she started to adapt to her new situation, and started making much of it. She started dancing even with her one leg without giving notice to others for her happiness as dancing was the ultimate ecstasy of her life. After five years of practice (which wasn't easy), her talent got the limelight on a local stage on the occasion of 'International Day of Persons with Disabilities' a year back with the support of Bhima Khatiwada and Mina Acharya, who too are physically disable; whom Neelam likes to credit. Since then, she has never stepped back from her aspiration of being an actor. "Even if life is sometimes hard, my spouse, parents and mentors have always supported me and helped me become the one-leg dancer of Nepal.", Neelam shares. 

We often assume that people with disabilities are unhappy. But in fact we're wrong. Surveys reveal people with disabilities consistently report a quality life as good as, or sometimes even better than that of non-disabled people. Human flourishing is possible even if you lack a major sense like sight, or you can't walk, or you're totally physically dependent on others. Sometimes, they are driven to greater achievements than before. That's why if we presuppose that physical difficulties for people result in misery for them, then we are wrong. 

What is more important here is the social blockade rather than the physical impairment itself. It's true that in general, disabled people usually have fewer choices than non-disabled people. Most societies still have limited accessibility for them, which have certainly created some problem for them. Otherwise, special people like Neelam are much better than mentally jammed people of our society. 

Yes, it's also true that physical impairment undoubtedly involve greater degrees of misery than average human should endure. Apart from that there are some examples like Neelam whose transformative life stories teach us an important lesson that human beings are capable of adapting to almost any situation and can march on to triumph overcoming all the misfortunes. Neelam, even after such misfortune still dances like a peacock and I wish to see the same charismatic moves even in the future. 





(P.S. some amazing performances of Neelam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB19tRz1Lk0  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB19tRz1Lk0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MOnTs8qzLg )

Write up posted on https://www.facebook.com/esso.org/photos/a.206640949521909.1073741830.142410319278306/326488424203827/?type=1&pnref=story

Posted on Young Journalist and Writers Blog http://yjaw.blogspot.com/2015/01/peacock.html

तिमी र म

म खोज्छु र त तिमी हराउछौ
मैले तिमीलाई नखोज्दो हु त तिमीलाई हराउनुको के मजा
तिमी सायद नहराउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई खोज्नुको के मजा

म फकाउछु र त तिमी रिसाउछौ
म तिमीलाई नफकाउदो हु त तिमी रिसाउनुको के अर्थ
तिमी सायद नरिसाउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई फकाउनुको के अर्थ

म तिमीलाई हसाउने प्रयास गर्छु र त तिमी  हास्न कन्जुस्याई गर्छौ
मैले तिमीलाइे हराउने प्रयास नगर्दो हु त तिमी हास्नुको पनि के मुल्य
तिमी सायद प्रत्यक पल हासी रहन्थ्यौ त मैले तिमीलाई हसाउनुको के मुल्य

म पर्खन्छु र त तिमी पखाउछौ
मैले तिमीलाई न पर्खिदो हु त तिमीले मलाई पर्खाउनुमा के आशा
तिमीले सायद नपर्खाउदो हौ त मैले तिमीलाई पर्खनुमा के आशा

मलाई यही तिमी र म बिचको रिसाउने फकाउने खेल मनपर्छ
मलाई यही तिमी र म बिचको अपसी मेल मनपर्छ
तिमी जे गर त्यो तिम्रो इच्छा हो
म जे गर्छु त्यो मेरो दिक्षा हो ।

Sometimes I feel

Sometimes I feel 

the silence with in me is going to kill me

the turbulence of emotions

the unwanted gratification

the taboo of society

the fake morality

the love,

the trust,

the faith,

the strength,

the mistake,

Sometimes I feel

it's all making me a puppet

a puppet; of time

frustration, uselessness; forbidden, loneliness

bounded by the queries

surrounded by walls

Sometimes I feel

I just want to escape

escape; from all those interpretations

petty justifications

all those rumors

the evil social tumors

Albeit, from all these

sometimes I feel

I shouldn't give up my zeal

what's the big deal,

when every soreness has a heal?

I am the change

for this place so strange

I have to ascend

every bitterness has its end

with hope, with aspiration

I would move on

I pine to bring a new motivation

a motivation; for myself

for all those who need help.

Sometimes I feel.

What if I die?

(Feelings are so crazy that it just needs a small moment to take you away from what you are doing. Today when my dearest Seetu isn't with me at this moment. I am missing her. Though, the poem has no connection with her so that no people start misinterpreting our relationship (haha); I just would like to dedicate these emotions to her. I don't know what made me derive these emotions but it just spontaneously occurred and I just went with the flow.)

What if I die?

Will you cry?

I guess you will.

I guess you will not.

The magical words,

the soft touch

the warm embrace

the gentle gaze

It's all gone

the time has spun

there's no feeling

I don't know, how you are dealing

it used to be thrill

when we used to had candle light meal

around me, there are beautiful sights

but I aspire for the jealous fights

I still miss you

my world consists you

Will you answer me?

Will you cry when I die?

Losing the battle of mind

"How easy is it for you to cope with depression?" This was the question asked to Aalok Nembang four years back for a blog interview; where his answer was "Remember the line "this too shall pass".  On Thursday when he dared to hang himself I can't guess what was going on in his mind but it exposed that his mind wasn't recalling those lines which eventually led him to give up his life. I, as a person, don't call myself as his crazy fan but yes, he was one of mine favorite directors. I loved his creations. His sudden demise has shattered not only me but all of those who have loved Nepalese Art industry.

 So many assumptions are being made about the reasons that led the tragedy. But what has been revealed by now is that he had been going through the phase of depression.  Aalok was a film director, video choreographer, a TV celebrity, and one of the most successful young filmmakers in Nepali filmdom. So it is very hard to believe the news that his act of suicide was the consequence of his depression.

Such a prominent figure! And was in a depression? What was he depressed about? Was there anything lacking in his life which led him to be depressed? He was successful, which most of the youths aspire to have and fall into depression for not having it. Then what was the reason?

Well, I hope the answer may be revealed soon as our police personnel are going through the investigation process and as Aalok was the renowned figure, I am hopeful that his case will not be just an open and shut case and we, as his audience will be able to know about the truth about his life. But this misfortune has given birth to so many questions about the mental health status of our country men.

Although accurate statistics regarding depression are hard to find for the closed societies like Nepal, many of us have probably noticed ourselves or our near and dear ones with the impact of depression. While, it is estimated that about a fifth of the world's population will experience at least one episode of major depression in the course of their lives as a common mental health disorder. Albeit, Nepalese society still attaches the stigma on this issue and even the government seems to turn a blind eye on the priority of mental health facilities in which 80 percent of the mental health is common problems and 20 percent is severe case of depression.

Depression can be caused by biological, psychological and social causes, however there are certain risk factors mainly loneliness, no social support, stressful life experience, relationship problems, childhood trauma, financial difficulty that  can make one vulnerable and should not be ignored.

While, most people who are depressed do not kill themselves, but they have an increase risk of possible suicide. The possibility is even more in the context of our country where people hesitate to talk about these issues and if anybody expresses suicidal thoughts, then either his/her intentions are taken as joke or he/she is termed as a coward. Thus, most of the people choose to suffer rather than to share.

It is important to understand that one can deal with the thought of depression through lifestyle changes. Exercise, yoga, sharing feelings, refraining from being impulsive, relaxing, eating healthy food can also help feel positive and develop sound coping mechanism. Apart from all these, what is primarily important is the way we perceive the people who express their mental and emotional problem. 

Any one at any phase of life can have the problem of depression. We really need to reach out to more people about it. It's serious. People with depression need help. We must remember that time doesn't heal all the problems; rather we must put our effort on to it. Depression is a similar case. Issues related to mental and emotional well-being needs to be the priority even in our place so that we don't have to hear another gleaming star of Nepalese society crumpling down losing the battle of mind.

Student Life

(Romanticism says 'poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.' Recently I tried to take out the same powerful feelings of my grade seven kids and what came out from them was really surprising. Yes, every child is unique and with it unique are their feelings. While sharing their feelings, one of them expressed his feelings in the following lines. This will really make us visualize our current education system. I am confused whether I should mention his name or not. That's why this time I am not mentioning his name here.)

Sometimes I think my life is a labor

I should listen the stupid words from teachers, parents and others. 

They tell me I cannot get success in my life. 

I cannot pass my exam. 

Sometimes I think 

single teacher cannot teach all the subjects

then,

how can I pass in all my subjects?

My mind is smaller than theirs

There is work,

there is personal problem,

there is family problem

So many people give lecture to me,

but I cannot manage. 

There is no one to care me. 

I am getting trouble. 

Some one had said,

student life is a gift but

I say it is only trouble. 

I was born intelligent

but education bounded me. 

Game of English

The statistics of people speaking English is increasing every year as people have to learn English in order to keep them updated with the world news on politics, economy, education and many more. Let's not go far, we need to know English even when we want to use our smart phones. Like other developing economies, we Nepalese too learn English to develop our life style get a job and enrich our knowledge. Most of all we all know the importance of English language when half of the youths of our country are striving to book the dates of 'English as Second Language Test' for their abroad studies and good career.

Generally 1853 is considered the year when English education started in Nepal. Some credit can be given to Junga Bahadur Rana who arranged two of the English teachers, Rose and Lord Canning from Britain, and had them teach his brothers and nephews. But it was kept confined to the clique of his family and relatives due to which English was considered as the language of elites; those who knew it were automatically considered from the upper class and it continued for decades.

Little can be said with certainty about English as a 'compulsory subject' in National Education system, however from 1981 onwards, English has been kept as a compulsory subject in high-school curriculum. In the interval of three decades time, history has been altered. Though English is still considered the language of elites, the positive aspect is that by now it has reached the mass from the urban locations to schools in the hills.

Being a Teach For Nepal Fellow, who has been teaching English as a second language from past one and a half years, English has become a part of my life. This for me has become both a bliss as well as a defy; a bliss of knowing different new words and phrases and using it in daily life and a defy of teaching the use of those very words to the kids and making them use it. I love doing it also. But the saddest part for me as well as for all those who love the language game of English is the failure rate of students in English in the examinations.

The most recent example is the failure rate of students in Compulsory English in the 2070's SLC examination. According to the Office of the Controller of Examination, 134,729 students failed in English, which is the third subject after Math and Science in which students fail the most.

Recently I talked to some of the students on how they take English as a language and found out that they take it just as another subject but not as a language. Even in private schools where all the other subjects too are taught in English language, there is the opinion that Compulsory English is too like another subject, which they need to mug up and pass. One fifth grade student had the opinion that English is Social Studies as both the books are typed in same language.

On the other hand there are some students who have never seen their English teacher teaching them using the cassette player, visual aids. Most of the students of a community schools complain that their school hasn't even provided English newspapers which they think would be helpful for her in achieving good marks in English.

When dealing with these issues, another important concern not to be missed is whether or not we are being able to link the English language with students' real world view as a teacher. When we look on to these issues so many questions need to be answered. Are we promoting sustainable learning through critical thinking or just making students rot the rules of grammar like a parrot? Are we teaching linking it with local and global issues? Similarly are we creating our own methods that fit our context?

We may give the answer according to our context. We may blame the government, the society and even the primary teachers due to which the background of English of even the secondary level student is poor or may be we are trying our level best, what we should keep in mind is that English is not our national language and our children need time to incorporate this. Once they start taking English as a fun language, not only as a subject then they may start doing good in it. I too, feel difficulty in dealing with these issues as a teacher but the fact is as I have accepted this role I will give my hundred percent on it and make my students learn. If we try our level best then of course we will get success otherwise, English will continue to become the symbol of 'hegemony' in Nepalese society.  

http://sopannews.com/game-of-english/ (published on online newsportal Sopan News)