Taekwondo Girl: Soni Khadka (Story of Transformation 26)

It's a mere coincidence that when I am writing this story, the theater near our place is flocked with audience for 'Dangal', a Bollywood movie, with the story of a wrestler father training his young daughters to become a world-class wrestlers. So let me clarify, this story is not the outcome of an inspiration from the movie, rather a strong desire to find a female who belittles the norms of patriarchal society which thinks females are best when they are submissive and shy and are beautiful only when they are cladded with nurturing feminine gesture.

Soni in action

I recently got acquainted with Soni Khadka, a Nepalese ITF Taekwon-Do player. Our few minutes talk inspired me to know more about her and her journey on this game; the game well known for its kick, jumps and grappling techniques. Well, obviously the game more associated with the strength and have the high probability of breaking bones if gone wrong. Thus, has the high chances of not being the game of first choice because of its physicality and risks. However, Soni, only at the age of 20 when she has already been selected as the “National Player” and also a trainer for school children, definitely must have started playing it at a much younger age. Thus, I was curious to know actually what prodded her towards the game.

After her regional selection 

Soni’s taekwon-do story started at age 12. As a child she was always teased by boys for her dark complexion and plump body. She wished taking revenge with them. Being raised in the family which had seven daughters, she always felt the desire of being son for her parents. One day, she made a random decision to join the taekwon-do training at school. She wasn’t serious about it but her coach definitely was. He motivated her towards it. She took the training as she could threaten the boys with her taekwon-do skills. However, she still wasn’t sure about continuing it. Then, she got an opportunity to participate in the district level championship and surprisingly won the gold medal and that changed her life. Why wouldn’t it, after all, it’s a huge achievement for a 14 year. “After that event, I bought a proper dress for my training as for two years I used to do the training on skirt which was really uncomfortable. I thought I need to focus now onwards.”, reminisces Soni.

After the 5th South Asian Game, 2015

Eight years of hard work and finally the entry in National game, Soni has really worked hard.  “Whatever I am now, the credits of my success goes to terribly hard training and my coaches”, shares Soni. Even before the sun would kiss the Himalayas with its golden rays, Soni would always be on a marathon to Pashupatinath from Bhaktapur, then another set of training during the day after her school and also the last one when the sun would bid good bye. Soni repeated her gold medal heroics in 2nd South Asian Game, and again, in the 5th South Asian Game.

The girl from Bhaktapur had never ever imagined of wearing a gold medal when she started her journey as a player and now she wishes to wear an Olympic gold medal around her neck someday. The conditions are that this reality sounds like a fiction but she is determinant that the reality will mirror fiction. Though she could just win the bronze in the recently held National Game, she isn’t disappointed rather determinant to work harder for the gold as she says, “When gold medals are around my neck, I feel like I am at the top of the world and I can do anything to make them mine.”

Women’s sports are on the rise, but one can go far only when one is determinant to take the risks opines Soni. She shares, “Taekwondo is not just the physical game rather a mental game as well. What we need is the strength to handle all the troubles that comes on our journey and the determination to continue it in whatever situation. I remember those days when I used to lose all the games and also had to fight with parents for the trainings. Different social issues arise, especially for women; we are judged for coming home late, even our relationships with our coach are misinterpreted but we need to be strong.”

The government hasn’t provided proper support to the players which makes the life of athletes hard. At the same time, females face added social and family pressure to leave a sport that is seen as overly aggressive and masculine. Amid all these, Soni is gritty when it comes to taekwon-do.

“Choosing to do taekwon-do was the best decision in my life. Though, I started it to prove myself as a son but when I have made my journey so far, I feel it's not about proving rather about becoming and finding self", she shares. 

“I am me because of taekwon-do. It’s my identity. I will never drop out because I won’t be me the day I drop out from the game", shares Soni with strong determination.

All in all, what I can say is this girl is made up of courage, determination, toughness, talent, guts and sacrifice and I am sure, her strength will definitely lead her to success.

म, त्यो वनफुल

भिर पाखा पछ्याउदै हिड्ने

उकाली ओराली सजाउदै रम्ने

तिम्रा कोठाका चार पर्खालभन्दा

धेरै पर,

अनकंटार झाडीहरु बिच हराएर

हतास निरास तिमी

जब एकछिन आफैमा रमाउन चहान्छौ,

त्यस बेला,

लहरै लहरामा अल्झिएर

चिरिक्क पार्ने त्यो कांडाको विचमा

मूशुक्क मुस्कुराउदै

तिमीलाई शितलता दिने

म, त्यो वनफुल

प्र्रश्न, हामी दुवैलाई

सोच त,

पखाई आखिर के को थियो;

त्यो अध्यारो रातको,

वा हाम्रो सुमधुर साथको,

छुट्एिका विस्मातको

वा नभनिएका बातको ?

आनन्द आखिर केमा थियो;

हामीबिच बढ्दै गएको तापको

वा हाम्रा अनावश्यक रापको

एक अर्कासंग नपोखिएका विलापको 

वा हाम्रो घनिष्ठ मिलापको ?

उत्तर, पक्कै यो विहानीको रौनकमा छ 

हाम्रो मुहारको चमकमा छ 

बाहिर नआए के भो र, 

तिम्रो र मेरो एउटै भएको मायालु मनमा छ । 

किन ?

प्रश्नै प्रश्नबिच अल्झिएकी म,
उत्तर त पक्के तिमीसंग नि छैन्न ।
तर हरेक पल निशब्दताको प्रहार
मलाई मात्र किन ?

हो, मबाट धेरै गल्तीहरु भएका छन्,
खैर, तिमी पनि त पक्कै निर्दोश छैनौ,
तर कलंकीत आखिर म मात्र किन ?

तिमीसंग

तिम्रा नयनभित्र लुकेका सपना कत्ति शक्तिशाली 

मेरो शूशुप्त मनमा नि ज्वारभाटा ल्याईदिने 

तिम्रो स्पर्शको त झन् कुरै नगरौ, 

चिसो यो मौसममा अनौठो न्यानोपन जगाईदिने ।

Ode to those UNWANTED Feelings !!

"Good morning", I said to myself.

I woke up with a whole lot of emotions; all cramped up. I was a bit contemplative, quite lot in rush, somewhat pained, may be more in indignation. With each passing hours, I could feel, my jar of sentiments being stuffed.

I was pissed off.

I was confused.

I was in stress.

I was all ready to burst out.

I was in tears. (No, I didn’t show it. But I was crying.)

“Good afternoon”, the clock greeted me. 

Suddenly, I was blank. I had no feelings, yet I had them. But I couldn’t recognize what I was going through. I can’t name them since they had already mingled with each other and I wasn’t able to figure out actually what I was feeling.

“Did I want to express?” or “Did I want silence?”

A part of me asked to be reflective and asked me to find an answer. However, there was another part, that was also within me that was reluctant to push my heart and mind on it.

I wasn’t able to crack myself. I tried to solve the riddle but I was stuck. 

"Oh! No." 

Not actually stuck. I think I was swinging. I was jumping in from one emotions to another. I was sort of lost within me. 

“Good evening”, the sun with its dim yellowish rays welcomed me. With its dimness, I tried to calm my thoughts. I was quite unruffled. I tried to explain myself with those vague justifications about life that everyday isn’t perfect and I don’t have control over my feelings. Then, a question popped up, “Actually why do I need explanations and justifications?”

Whatever I would explain would be just for the time being. Another day or another moment I would feel something different or may be the same but definitely would provide a different reason. 

Isn’t it good just to be mindful; mindful of what I am feeling? Or what I am going through?

Unexpectedly, I went few days back when I was little introspective and I was having conversation happily with my 99 years self.

She was saying,

“Thank you, as you

gave me the reasons to smile.

You waited as when you needed time

You kept your emotions sublime.

Time is what you have used so well,

as it didn’t always have jingle bells.

Thank you, as you kept quiet

when they were expecting you would burst out and fight.

Thank you once again, for the happiness

I feel young and beautiful even on this wrinkled face.”

Yes, how easily feelings do change. 

Here, yes it’s the time to say “Good night” and I am feeling quite expressive. After all, these roller coaster rides of feelings is what makes me a human being. Yes, a human being. How much I try to unwelcome them, they would definitely find a space within me. Thus, let me be true to myself and say, “Hello, everyone I had a bad day today.”