Post Box 7

Painted on 27th August, 2017

To you

With the darkest love,

“Love me as I am, not as you wish me to be”.

I happened to read this quote. It should have made me feel like I am the luckiest among all the women in this world for you have accepted me the way I am but for some reasons it made me feel sad.

I felt disappointed for the reason that I met you when I am not in my best self.  I look at myself and wonder is this the real me? So many questions keep popping up inside my head (most of them, the unnecessary ones). J Sometimes I feel how beautiful it would have been if we had been together few years back or may be few years later. I would have loved you with so much of dignity and congeniality.

Currently, when I am most of the time all lost in my darkest thoughts, I don’t feel like you deserve all these darkness in your life. When I should have been adding happiness in your life, I feel like being a burden.

But then again, my heart leaps up when I find you around. When you smile it gives me the most blissful feeling. When I shift my thoughts to you, a different emotion fills me up. You have that positive aura that nobody has.

Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for showering me with your love. Thank you for giving me a reason to feel good about myself. Most of all thank you for embracing my darkest self.

I hope to get well soon and wish to love you someday with all my goodness.

Truly yours

Love.

The Run

Picture Credit: ak6.picdn.net

The clock stroke 1 am.

Midnight passed.

Within a few hours the sun will be beaming in happiness with its rosy shades. It’s a usual routine but she wanted the morning to beam soon. She desired a new hope to run down her nerves soon.

For, she knew with the passing of this night her ghouls of thoughts shall pass on too. Only she knows how difficult it is for her to run away from that black phantom. The sudden urge of dying had again stroked her mind with the temptation to cut her nerves.

Blood…

She imagined herself drowned in blood.

She changed her mind and wanted to hang herself up into that blank ceiling.

Ughh! She got frightened with her own dark self.

She kept on asking questions to herself which she knew no one could answer even her own self. She wondered if she had known herself or not.

She kept on reminding herself not to get provoked for the disaster for; she won’t be able to see her love again, there are people who count on her, there are people who loved her and will never be able to love anyone again if she chose any of those routes.

She looked herself in the dark mirror with her watery eyes. She saw herself not different than any ghosts. She was already dead in her soul and that urged her strongly to take her life from her body as well.

She blamed herself for all those negative interpretations surrounding her. She looked around and asked what was wrong that made her think that way.

She didn’t find any answer.

“Are you lonely?”

“No”

“Have you gone through any misfortune recently?

“No”

“Then, what’s the trigger that wanted you to give up your life?”

She stumbled on her own questions. The tragedy is she wanted to die again for she had all those thoughts without any reason.

She had been running away from death. She did it that night as well and hoped the other night shall pass soon.

She feared if she will get tired of running. 

Drugged Love

Picture Credit: Tumblr

His gaze always intoxicated me.

I felt as if I wanted to plunge into the depth of his eyes and never return.

“Ahh!”

The little cupid woke.

My cell phone started dancing on Adle’s song “To make you feel my love”.

“Shoot, it was him calling.” I blushed.

My heart froze. The naughty cupid started teasing me.

“Hey, shall we have dinner outside today” He spoke from the other side.

“Yeah… Sure” my heart answered.

Bang…

My brain hit me. I was searching some words of excuse.

“I will be waiting you at Alina’s at 7.”

The call hung up.

With so much of excitement, I had a quick shower. I chose to wear the dress that I had bought recently. It had the color of the red wine, intense violet; round necked and quarter sleeved. It was long and flowing. I completed my look with a dark red strawberry lipstick.

I rushed towards Baneswor. I didn’t want to keep him waiting.

“Yes”

I was absolutely on time. I looked around and found a place at the corner. I was eagerly waiting for him. I had never realized time moves so slowly.

The clock showed it was 8. Slowly the hour dial hit 9 and I thought I had to leave.

When I was just ready to leave, I found him running towards me.

“Sorry, I had to stay back at office because of a small party organized by my friend.” He said in a lowly voice.

I was angry but the passion for him was stronger than that.

“It’s ok.” I said with a smile.

The waiter came forward to aware us that the kitchen is going to close, so we need to order fast.

He didn’t give any reply. He just held my hand and got me outside the restaurant. He asked me to sit behind him.

I didn’t dare to ask him why and where he was going to take me. I guess, his inebriation was so strong with in me.

I agreed.

His bike flew and landed in front of his home. Without any word, he pulled me into his bed room. I felt a strong wind blowing inside me. My heart pounded.

“Am I at the right place?”

In split of a second, he was just an inch far from me and I could sense a strong odor.

I wished it was something good. My nose was disappointed. When it was just trying to figure out what it was of, my tongue was the first to find it out. 

His hand started to dance on my bare back, all thanks to the backless robe that I had worn. Though unexpected and bland, I tried to drift my mind and enjoy the moment, as it was my very first kiss.

He suddenly stopped and said, “I am sorry, Rubina”

“Who is Rubina?” I muttered with my smeared lips. He had tasted my strawberries very carelessly.

In his drunkenness, he asked in return, “who are you?”

***

My cell phone blinked with a message.

“Hey, yesterday I was heavily drunk. Did I do anything wrong? I am sorry. Can we meet again? I want to apologize.”

I went to the bathroom and had a quick shower. I washed away the intoxication that was still heaving me.

I peeped my heart. My little cupid was snoring. I wished him to never wake up as people feel for him only when they are drunk. And I hate to be loved when drugged.

Post Box 6

To you,

the man, I never want to lose.

Well! I am all aware about the impermanence of life. Its fragility is what makes it so precious. I know how much I try to hold you with me, some day you will be gone. I may never find you in front of me, though you will always be in my head. I guess more in my heart. Because I don't rely on this sordid brain. You know I am an emotional being. Umm! Actually, an emotional mess. Doctors have proven it. 

Looking into your eyes every day has become a schedule. It's more of like a mirror to me in which I can see my most beautiful reflection being projected. I am mean and I want them every day till the day I live. When my eyes will have those dark lobes around and my chubby cheeks will finally wrinkle, at that point too, I know it's only your eyes that will find me beautiful.

Yes, your touch is magical. A simple hug from you takes away all my pain. I don't have to mention how I feel when you kiss me. I had always believed love as a giving and giving you all my love surprisingly doesn't make me feel empty rather it's a very fulfilling feeling. 

I can never challenge death. I never will. But it's said death always bestows one special wish to everyone before it takes away the life. So, this girl who desires nothing but being with her love by her side all her life wants her death in his arms.

“Hello! Death!

If you are listening from somewhere and wish to grant me something, don't ask me just take me with you before him for losing him is what I can't afford. You know I have nothing but him.”

So, dear you! Here I acknowledge myself selfishness and ask a death for 'me before you'. And I am aware that this is my very first innate wish that I am asking for and I am still on my birthday week. So, I know it has the high chance of being fulfilled as this is going to be my last wish too.

I love you.

Yours truly

Love