I should take care...........

Examinations is going on and we all are totally involved in it. This is the time when we can find out how much our effort is working? How the results would come? How they will perform? And by the each exam I always find out some important things that I have to take care of. That is students fail not just because they don't know the answers, or they don't know the concept but sometimes they fail because of their slow writing habits as they can't attempt all  their questions, sometimes because of their over confidence, sometimes due to lack of confidence and sometimes because they don't understand the questions. So many things are to be taken care of after this terminal exam while teaching. And one of the most interesting thing that I have found with my students is that they believe that because of God they will pass the exam or get good marks. They don't believe in hard work. Everyday I can see all my students coming so early and going to worship God. Not only one but every one thinks that and I have to make them aware that this is not the truth.

First term.............

Right now, when I am writing this blog, I have a mix feeling i.e I am happy as well as  sad, as today after teaching for three months, we had our first terminal exam where we can see how fruitful our way of teaching was and today English was their first exam and I must say I was more nervous than they were while they were writing in their answer papers. I was walking before each of them so that see if they are writing or not? After they completed their exam, I asked each of them, how their exam was? and they gave me the positive response. So I am happy in this sense but during the exam one student of grade eight was caught while cheating.So I am really very upset because he was Kiran, the same student who was improving in his studies and I had so much expectations on him. I had never thought that he would cheat. So I am really very sad..................

Potato Miss......................

It is said that what ever your beloved do, you love it. Even if they tease you, even if they satire at you, you love the person. And the same is happening with me. I never liked the person who used to put me pet names. Even I did not use to like the persons who used to say me dear, lovely, sweety by my friends but my loved ones i.e my students have baptized my new name and its very ridiculous name but why? I don't know the reason, the truth is that I like it.... As my students knew that I like different varieties made by potato they always bring me their tiffin and share with me whenever they bring potatoes and have named me 'Aalo Miss'or 'Potato Miss'...Though it sounds so funny and naughty, I have started liking this name called by them............And today also one of the students of grade seven knew that I have a liking for potatoes, he insisted me to come to his class and eat some potatoes from his tiffin. I was busy in checking homeworks so I could not go when he called me but later I found that he was waiting for me and is not eating. So I had to leave my work go towards him, eat some potatoes from his tiffin box and return. He was so happy that I ate his tiffin...What to say for this?????

Teacher-Student realation.............

As a TFN Fellow, I have completed three months at Jyotidaya Co-operative School and I can't say whether it was a successful three months or the unsuccessful one but what I can definitely say is that yes, I have been able to bring some changes in myself and even in my students life. I have changed myself in the sense that, I have to change some of my behaviors, some of my schedules, some of my ethics too sometimes. I used to be a very short tempered person which is  very disadvantageous for a teacher and even some people used to find me a freak in my behaviors, which I had to change completely and yes, of course, it was the most difficult task for me to be friendly as I have only few best friends in my list and friendliness is what I call is not my forte. But now after three months, students call me their most friendly teacher till yet with whom they can share their pain, happiness, problems, queries and many more. 

I thought this was what every teacher must have to possess. But till date its sad to find the teachers who frighten their students with stick in their hands. Today as usual we completed our school hours and reached at the bus station. We entered in a micro bus which was half packed with students of some other school. Seetu and I chose the last seat, I was at the side of the window of the micro bus and at that moment some of our students passed the micro bus waving their hand for bye. Then those students of the micro bus were so surprised that they talked with each other how could students talk with their teacher and even say good bye while leaving for home. Their conversation surprised me as this kinds of things were the regular behavior between us. Not only they wave their hands, they come and shake hands with us and even hug us. So this gave me some happiness with a proud feeling that thought I have not taught for many years but in these three months, I really have changed somethings that makes the teacher-student relation a distinct one than that of the traditional teaching system which is still prevalent in our society that students must not talk directly with their teachers and teachers should always make a threatening relationship with their students. This gave me a smile on my face and I returned home in  a very jolly mood.............................

Time.........

During our training sessions, some of the most asked questions were, how can two years of commitment of a fellow can transform lives of students? Is two years sufficient for ending educational inequity? What after we leave the school after two years? Will it bring any change? And today is what I feel, I have got the answer.

Today as me and Seetu reached at school, we were so amazed to see what Rabindra was doing? There is a notice board in front of our school. And as the name suggests, notices are pasted there but Suman had started to paste some puzzles, IQ questions and general knowledge questions each day there and students used to solve that so inquisitively. And after three months when Suman is not with us at our school, his work was being done by Rabindra, a grade seven student. He searched one general knowledge question and pasted it on the board. And at the end of the day he came towards us and  a said,"Miss, no one has been able to answer my question till now." So here I remember a quote ofJackson Brown," Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein."So how many days we have got it will be helpful to transform the lives of hundreds of students. 

Happy Teacher's Day...............

Today, for the first time I celebrated Teacher's Day as a teacher and I am feeling so blessed that they did a lot as a student to celebrate this day. Before joining TFN I used to think that its a very easy job to be a teacher, you just have to share what you know with your students but now I feel that it the most hardest task to choose to be a teacher as sharing is not the thing what a teacher I have to do, its making them understand what I teach, its motivating them and its transforming them through education. And its tough because we also have to be their friend, their guardian, their councilor and many more....

And today when its a teacher day, student shower their love and respect for their teachers. I was happy to get this love but I regret I never did like them ( my students) what they did to me to my teachers when I was a student. I am feeling sorry for that. And what I am feeling right now is the mistake that I did not appreciate what my teachers did for me was not only because of me but because of the teaching system and style too as I was too afraid as a student even to speak with my teachers. I would think that its good to study than to go and share problems with teachers because fear was on my mind. I just remember today that how uncomfortable I used to feel if I had to say anything to my teachers. 

And at this moment, I don't want my student to feel so. I want them to be independent but in the same time confident and smart and I don't want them to be afraid with me. And in this teacher's day I have made my commitment more stronger.....................

Meeting them...............

Today, after three days of fever, I was fine again and I went to school. When I entered the gate, students were so happy. They came all around me and hugged me. They were so excited to see me. They asked about my health and were so eager to know how was I feeling now. They started sharing about what they did and how they passed their school days when I was absent. And I too was happy meeting them after three days. I just wish this relationship will go on more respectfully and lovingly in the coming days also..

Missing Suman.........

Every beginning of  a new month would be a day of happiness for us, we used to choose our 'Student of the Month' from each class give them a cards', start a new chart paper with stars, do the reflection and many more other good deeds. Today too, I wanted to do that, I wanted to had a new beginning. My mind was saying me that but my heart it was not accepting it. It was being emotional, too emotional. Today I thought that I would go first, first than Suman used to reach Lagankhel so that I could call him and tease him that I became first today. I was ten minutes before our time but today again I became second as Seetu was already there before me. I guess Seetu too had thought the same. Then we two headed towards our journey, entered inside the micro bus, like other days chose the last seat but today there was not Suman. Till the bus left from Lagankhel, I was still thinking that Suman will come, Suman will come, he has a schedule to meet us at 9 am. But the micro bus started, he did not come. Both me and Seetu could not control our tears. We hold each other's hand and comforted us. Besides me, a there was a monk. I don't know why but I was being angry with him too because it was Suman's place where he was sitting. But later on I realized that its going to happen each day on the bus. We reached school. Everyone was sad. As per grade eight's request Suman had sent his reflection to them of his three months. We gathered the students and I started to read the reflection. For the first time in my life I was feeling difficult to read. Everyone was crying and I was not being able to console any one of them, grade six who had not responded during these days were so much crying that I can't explain. As per our schedule, we chose our 'Student of the month' but today they did not enjoy their success. They were just remembering Suman all the time. And in grade nine, Suman had written his last words on the white board that "Each of you will pass and move on to grade 10 with 80+ marks in Science." and grade nine students are now demanding one another white board for them as they don't want to remove these words from the board and today they did not let any one rub that words.......I have leisure at second period and every day I used to hear Suman's voice next to where I would sit teaching in grade seven and today there was a different voice next to me. That was a very difficult moment for me. Even students were singing the song time to time which Suman used to sing all the time. So every where it was Suman today....... 

Far-Be-Well Suman sir.............

Right now when I am writing this blog, my eyes are filled with tears and words are not coming out from me. I have a very depressed and a kind of lonely feeling. Right now the flash backs of those three months with together with Suman is hovering around me. The first day we stepped in our school, the way we tried to manage our classrooms together, our micro bus chit chats and teasing, pulling each other's leg like teens and the emotional bonding every thing. We were together in every small success we got and every  small problem we faced. Nothing was personal to us. We had become so close and today when it was his last day, when our school and students were doing farewell for him. I could not control on my self. I could not control........Even he was with his eyes red full of tears but I must appreciate Seetu that she could hide her tears in the program but in the micro bus she also could not. It was the last travel together from school to Lagankhel now, from tomorrow only two seats last seats of the micro bus will be reserved, only two markers will be filled before class and only two registers will be taken out for attendance. Yes, I know time heals every wound. We would also become habituated to go to school without Suman but how long it will take even I can't predict it. 

Silence on the micro..............

Today it was the second last day of our travel to school with Suman. We all know the truth, so that may be the reason of our today's silence. We used to laugh and chat a lot on the micro bus but today the silence was such that some thing bad happened to all of us. We had not prepared for the silence. We had not promised that we would not talk to each other but the reality was that we all were not speaking. Suman and I on the sides and Seetu on the middle were too sad. Suman had eyes filled with tears, Seetu silently was typing her feelings beside me on her mobile phone, I too feeling disappointed was looking out of the window so that I could divert my mind. When we reached the school, the environment was same. Students came all around us and asking if Suman would come till tomorrow or not as they had prepared for a surprise farewell program for Suman. We entered the class, and taught our lessons. How difficult it is to hide our inner feelings and pretend that we are happy, how am I teaching my students with a heavy heart inside and showing them that nothing has happened to me and asking them to enjoy the lessons. Whatever I show them my inner feeling is that I am really feeling unhappy. I am feeling that I want to cry, cry and cry because Suman is the friend who has become so close to me in this short period of time, with whom I had shared my happiness and sorrows, who was there to praise me and to suggest me...But I was being unable to cry too as if I would cry he too will. He was going there to fulfill his dreams, to fulfill his aim. So I thank TFN for giving me such a good friend in my life and those moments with him would always be in my heart....

Hiking with students...........

It was the first time that we are going out with our students and it was on their request to go on hiking to swetbarahi and Santaneshor temple as Suman was leaving from the last of Ashar. So we were set on our journey. We were really excited. The love that we have become able to gain only in these three months is what we treasure and students showed their loving and gratitude to us on our whole journey. They too were excited. The journey was tiring but being together we competed it. What I must say is today it became the best moments with our students. And I hope that this hiking helped us to strengthen our relationship with our dear students........

Swastika di on our program...........

It is Friday again, another day for students to show their talents but today we were told that there would be farewell programs of S.L.C. graduates. So there was not much pressure for me to make the students prepared but suddenly I was noticed that today we are going to have an interactive program at our school. So our principal sir told me to make the students prepared. It was already late but also what we thought was a sense of possibility. So I thought of taking some grade six students today and asked them if they would given the chance what would they say and how would they perform. They became eager towards it and submitted what they wanted to say and do. I checked them and suggested them. Then it was the time of program and today Swastika di was our guest. The program started and went great with some mistakes by the students side but what they did in a few minutes time was great. I must appreciate them. But how Swastika di felt has the great importance. I am eager to hear her comments....

Love is what we all want .....................

Who does not want to be loved??? We can't get the negative answer as every one wants to get love. Yes, I am also the one who wants to fall in love. The love from parents, love from siblings, love from friends, love from friend and the love from opposite sex is what makes our life perfect one. We all do want it and we all want to show how much we love our near and dear ones, we want to touch them, we want to feel them and also we want to say in a loud voice. "Yes, I love you." But in this busy world we do forget to show our love. We are busy in our personal and professional stuffs. And we want a specific day to remember them even to show how much we love them. Even I am the one who used to do that. I call my mother when I am alone, when I am not doing any work and when its really urgent. 

But today I was blessed with the eternal love and the love which was without any selfishness. After finishing our school hour we were about to leave for home. And every day we bid our students good bye. Today it was the same schedule. Every one was doing that. Some were shaking hands with us and some were waving their hands for us. Then, I came out of the school gate. Suddenly Prakriti hold my hand and pulled me towards her and said, "miss, come and stay with us at our home." Then, Pratima and Sabina too started to pull me and started to kiss me on my cheeks, lips and all over my faces...At that moment I could not think anything. My mind was not working. Why were they behaving like that??? I rolled my eyes around and found that every one even strangers were looking towards me and near by me were my two fellow friends Seetu and Suman puzzled. We had never imagined that this kind of thing will happen...

I reached at my room and sat to think how this happened, not because I was feeling awkward because of their behavior but I was in surprise because I still remember the first day I introduced myself to them as their new English teacher Sabina was the girl who was really very unhappy. I could see in her face that time how uncomfortable she felt with me..Pratima still could not respond to me well even for some weeks and now they are the same girls kissing me in front of every one...Then, I got my answer in Mana prasad wagley sir's statement that "A teacher's success is the love of student and nothing else." And I am feeling that yes, I am now in the step of success, Yes, I am now on my journey of transformation. And how beautiful was their love, innocent love and to show it they did not even wait any teacher's day............

Every one comes and asks to me"How can you build your leadership skills through teaching?" Then, I would always not be able to answer them properly. Now I have the answer. Yes, its building my leadership as I am not only teaching them but also learning more from them day by day and today I learned a big lesson we must walk on our path without any selfishness and absolutely it pays with the eternal love and ETERNAL LOVE is the only thing what we always want in our life. And today I called my mother without any urgent reasons and yes, it was not MOTHER'S DAY either.

Believe from students...........

Reached the school like always with the motive to do something new and better, then one teacher came towards us and for the first time she talked to us saying that, we just wonder how do you guys teach??? She, the teacher of Science used to teach the students before Suman used to teach and added I heard that every student cried when they heard that Suman sir is leaving, I guess that they would be happy if I leave the school and then asked Suman if she could teach in place of Suman, she told us that because of us her classes were lessened. Now she is teaching only to grade ten. So, she shared us that she wanted to start again with the students and also said that if its needed she would go to the office of TFN and be the member. At that time I was thinking how easy do people think to be a teacher and how easy they think to be a TFN Fellow. I really needs a huge commitment, patience and perseverance to be one of the Fellows. As soon as she left us, some groups of boys came to us and requested please do not let this teacher come and teach us she beats us so severely and also does not teach us nicely. But it's not in our hand who will come in their class next??? Then, with this question I moved on to my classes and now a days students of all the classes have started to co-operate with us. What I can say is that they are believing us as we are here not only to teach them but also to support them whatever they want to do for their betterment.

Student's love.............

Today I don't have any words to express my feelings..Our students are great, really great, who value their teacher..Classes were going normal. Then, Abhishek came to call me. There was a surprise farewell for us by grade seven and I can't express that in my words what I was feeling at that moment. Suman was in tears, even Seetu and . Though we were consoling our students not to cry we ourselves were not able to hold our tears. They had brought cakes made by themselves and many letters, greeting cards and gifts for Suman wishing him a very bright future. I am really glad that TFN gave me the opportunity to feel what it means to be a teacher, to get love and wishes from your small children when you are going some where, to miss them each time, even in dreams, to be nervous for them, to be happy even on their small success and to be proud to be their supporter...

Painful moment...........

Today what I felt was the most painful day as a TFN Fellow. Everything was just fine, we just went to the school with the same enthusiasm. Sanumaya greeted us with a 'chocofun chocolate, she was very happy as she got the first prize in last friday's poetry competition. Then Ashok G, arrived with his big bright smile to make our photo story. Then, we departed for our respective classes and my class was good. Everything was just going alright, then the second period started. I came out of the class, Seetu said me that Suman is crying. I was unknown why he was crying, then we came to know that even all the students of grade eight were crying. Suman had disclosed them that he is leaving the school. Every eyes were in tears. Then gradually the news passed on to all. All our students were crying. It was difficult to control them. Even I could not control my tears. Later on we controlled ourselves but it was impossible to control our students. They kept on asking option with us. Who is the alternative of Suman sir? Is new TFN Fellow coming to teach us?? Please ask some other TFN fellow to come and teach us if its important for Suaman sir to go. So many questions were striking us. It was really very difficult. I kept on thinking what to say them. How to motivate them now? What can I do? One of the students of grade nine came towards me crying and said, "please miss please bring other TFN fellow in the place of Suman sir. I have started reading and I want to pass my exam. I will do anything for it. I will obey each of your words." I did not reply her. I just embraced her and became silent. 

Replacement

She came crying

Telling me to help her flying

It’s very difficult

Really very difficult

To face this occult

It’s the crime

Done by time

Why it gives happy moments so precise?

And a long time to criticize

I wish I could study science

So that I could help you in this exercise

She wept, wept and is still weeping

Saying, please help me in my reading

I will do everything you say

I will read whether its night or day

But I could do nothing

I could just stay as a non-living being

She wept saying me to request her science teacher stay

But, I know it’s important for him to go far away

I could do nothing

I kept her embracing

Standing on a corner 

staring, staring and staring

You and Me....

Finally its a 'Good Friday'. We eagerly went to the school and then started to prepare for the program...We were really very worried as well as excited but we were just supporting our students and motivating them that they can do it.. Then it was the time for program Suave and Saneeta started it, then came Sudip and Binee, our several participants with their outstanding poems then also Kanchan, Sumit, Sujan, Rockey and Rabi. They all did good. Archana and Juni were awesome on their speech. 

We had the president of our school, Mr.Dil Bahadur Deshar, the initiator of our school, Mr. Surendra man Shakya and the lecturar of Newari language of T.U, Mrs. Ishwori Maiya Shrestha as guest. Our students did more than what teachers had expected. Though there were some mistakes but every one was happy to see them doing everything for the program and it was the time for our poem as well, Seetu, Me and Suman had created our poem dedicated for them and we shared it. My poem for them was...

YOU and Me

I laugh with you

I cry with you

whatever I do, I do it with you

For me you are the river,

For me you are the ocean,

when I am with you I can't control my emotion.

I don't know how the time is flying?

The time spent with you are so sublime.

Covering a long distance I have come to you

I know there are so many things to sew...

I know you love me

And you hate me too...

as I sometimes praise you and even sometimes shout at you...

But the time I have to spend with you is so few..

I want your success, I want your smile

For it, I dont' care if I have to carry on my journey for a mile

I feel happy when you greet,

I feel happy when you speak

Even I feel happy when you retreat

Flattering, teasing and moking, 

I love you even when you are joking

I want to see you climbing up so high

before its time to say me good bye

I can only hold you

I can only support you

You are the one who has to move on to 

So let us unite and let us bind

as you are with in me and I am with in you

to fulfill all the dreams that we grew. 

Eagerness...........

As we were given the opportunity to let the students host and even organize the program themselves for the first time, we were really excited. This was going to be the first time even in the history of Jyotidaya also. I asked the students who wanted to participate and I could find so many hands voluntarily raising up. But they were worried as some were raising it for the first time in any of the extra-curricular activities. So I had to support them. Then we started making a plan how could we do, we did role- division, then started to practice for the program. I could see some worries in our principal sir's face as students were doing it for the first time and he was worried how they would do?? And even we all teachers were worried. We talked about everything and left to home and am eagerly waiting our tomorrow's program.